Today, I actually read a new writer who told everyone that as writers here we should mind our own fucking business and they can write whatever they fucking want to write. The writer went on to say that anyone who comments negatively about what another writer writes is jealous.
That’s right full of jealousy.
This piece is in reply to said new writer and is my own opinion and does not necessarily represent the views of all the writers on this platform either new or veteran.
Oh, for the love of all that’s holy (exactly like a pair of socks I recently washed and put back in the sock drawer) can somebody tell me what it is with these new writers?
Do they actually think we’re jealous? I for one, am not jealous. I’m simply fucking amazed.
I’m utterly amazed at their chutzpah; their fearless impudence when they proudly proclaim a milestone of their first ninety days then regurgitate something they read (usually some clickbait article another new writer borrowed from another new writer, who borrowed it from another newbie) a week ago.
To the new writer who said we should mind our own business and that as a writer, you should be able to write what you want to write? You’re damned right. You can crank out anything your little heart desires. But before you do, uh, here’s a suggestion.
Try actually writing something.
Try writing something for real. Not regurgitation of the same old dated material. We’ve seen this clickbaity shit you’re pushing out already.
We’ve read it, at least a hundred times ago, written by at least a hundred new writers, all spouting the same shit and acting as if they’d discovered the fountain of life. Laying it out and expecting us to pay attention because they, these newly arrived wunderkind, are laying down the answers to the meaning of life.
That’s not writing. That’s copying, and hovering real close to plagiarism.
Write quality over quantity — No shit Sherlock. What the fuck do they think the veterans on this site have been doing for years now? Have they bothered to read one-tenth of the quality writers here? Are they reading what these quality writers are writing? They’re writing shit that makes us laugh our ass off. Stuff that makes us bury our heads in our hands and cry. They’re writing poetry which fills our hearts with joy and sorrow.
It’s all here.
And yet, new writers read one “Here’s How To Do It” article by some jackass who doesn’t know the difference between a conjugated or a transitional verb, and as far as they’re concerned, this inexperienced and unproven hack is the next writing God?
Look, we know the drill.
We’ve seen this kind of shit from new writers a thousand times before. We've been here long enough to know what works and what doesn’t. And guess what? The shit ton of new writers serving up tips and tricks they’ve learned over the last ninety days ain’t working.
As a new arrival, you have the opportunity to ask any veteran writer here about what kind of writing seems to work, but for some strange reason you never seem to bother, do you? No, you just whip out a piece, telling us to write quality over quantity with that authoritative, non-authoritative voice of yours.
A position of authority you don’t have and haven’t fucking earned yet.
Write listicles cause they usually do well — No, they don’t you idiot. You only wrote that because some other idiot who has more followers than you do (and has been here a month longer) promised you’d make a million dollars if you write shit this way.
Have you made that million yet?
Write consistently — HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, sweet Jesus. I can’t type I’m laughing so hard. Did it really take you three months to figure that out? No. It was just something someone else wrote and you thought it would be great to repeat it.
Awesome. Repeat something that’s been said at least a thousand times ad nausea and something a shit ton of writers (old and fledgling alike) already know.
Look, each of us has our own interpretation of consistently. For some, it’s daily, for others it might be once a week or even once a month. Consistently is in the eye of the writer. We know what it is and we know how to do it. We really don’t need a new writer wagging their finger at us reminding us to be successful we need to write consistently.
Most of us have reached a point in our careers where we deem ourselves successful. And a lot of times (and you’ll figure this out as well) success has nothing to do with how much dough is in our bank accounts.
Be advised, a lot of the veterans here did their homework and checked out this site way before they committed to it. Even in the days before signing up, they already knew consistency pays the fucking bills. ANYWHERE you write, consistency is the only way you’re gonna see a payday.
Okay, deep breath here.
I’ve been taken to task before for my “overly” harsh, brutal tongue lashing of new writers.
FULL DISCLAIMER HERE — If you’re thinking about telling me I’m being too hard on these new writers, go back to my early days (three years ago) and find where I wrote a listicle telling all the veteran writers (and anybody who’d listen) how to make gold in them thar hills!
As a matter of fact, if you’ve been here for two years or more, go back and examine some of your own work.
Yeah, I know. It’s pretty painful, huh?
But the point is, you probably won’t see the kind of advice listicles these new writers are habitually pouring out. That is unless you’re the one who wrote the original all the newbies have been copying.
If that’s the case, then get on with your bad self.
Most times, back then you wouldn’t see a piece like that from any of us, especially me, because I didn’t have the nerve (or the stupidity) or the chutzpah to even think about writing the shit these new writers do.
That’s because it seems, and I’m just spitballing here, the newer generation of writers are only interested in one thing.
The money shot.
Me? I knew I had to pay my fucking dues, gain a following, earn the props (and the respect) the way every other writer here earns the right to speak with authority.
You fucking earn it and then fucking own it.
You new writers who think you can simply regurgitate something you’ve read by other writers? Pull your head out of your asses, and learn to fucking write. Give us your thoughts and perspectives. You don’t even have to give us something unique, something that’s never been done before.
Everything’s already been done.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t give us your raw emotions and beliefs. Give us anything but somebody else’s perspective on what you’ve learned after ninety days.
Someone else’s perspective ain’t fresh, it ain’t new, and it’s not even yours. You’re hiding behind what you think is going to make you money.
It’s not about the fucking money. It should never be about the money. It’s about you and your ability to write something that resonates. We want to know you. We want to read what you write, not a regurgitation of some bullshit money-making attempt another writer wrote, and you copied. Not some platitudes a hack writer wrote years ago.
We want to read what you write. We want to read and know you and we so want to respect you as a comrade in arms writer. Write it, and keep writing the real you. Not some bullshit listicle everyone’s read a gazillion times.
I guarantee we’d love to start reading the real you.
Thank you so much for reading. You didn’t have to, but I’m certainly glad you did.
Let’s keep in touch: firstname.lastname@example.org
© P.G. Barnett, 2020. All Rights Reserved.