So — my Nan passed away. The first thing that hit me was shock, followed by sorrow, then the need to be alone and then the need to not be alone.

It’s been a couple of days now and i’m still taking it quite hard at times. The main reason being that I’m guilty.

I never saw her enough.

I was too busy trying to make her proud of me that I never saw her! Which now thinking back at it sounds pathetic and a massive cope out — but whatever I have done I have always had her words in mind.

She was always pushing me to go to school, to get an education and to enjoy life but somewhere down the line I forgot to enjoy her. I never once thought that she would go — for met time stood still, she was old but she never aged. her smile was timeless and the laughs we had were endless.

In reality though, people do age with each passing day and sometimes they don’t wake up.

I neglected my Nan and yes I have lots of memories of her but when the memories go how many reminders do I really have. She is a woman that I want to remember forever and who’s name I want to pass on to the generations that I one day might produce.

The only saving grace I have is that Heaven might be real and if so, She will be able to see my success and milestones; the promotion to Creative Director, my Wedding Day with the girl I love, my first born, the beginnings of my own start up — I want her to see the man I am and the family I make.

So, I leave you and myself with this message:

Live for those who are gone and those who are here. Those who are gone will always be watching over you and those who are gone will always be by your side.

Basically, live life like your Nan is watching.