What is Attachment Parenting and Why is it Controversial?

I came across the term attachment parenting. It seems like everyone is talking about it but I can’t seem to find credible scientific researches on this particular parenting style. I tried to look up the definition and became utterly confused. After some sorting out, here’s what I found.

Attachment

— An extra part or extension that is or can be attached to something to perform a particular function1. In child development, attachment refers to the tie or bond formed with the primary caregiver, usually the mother but is equally possible to be the father or other caregiver. For babies, attachment to a caregiver is a biological instinct to stay as close to the caregiver as possible for safety and survival.

Attachment Theory

— originally developed by psychiatrist and psychologist John Bowlby (1969), and later on extended and categorized by developmental psychologist, Mary Ainsworth2. Under this theory, four widely recognized types of attachment are secure, avoidant, resistant and disorganized.

Among these, secure attachment is overwhelmingly believed to be the ideal attachment by psychologists worldwide. Babies who are securely attached are observed to cry less, cooperate more and enjoy their mother’s company more. They also grow up to be happier and healthier. Ainsworth (1978) noticed that mothers of securely attached children were highly sensitive and responsive to their children’s need. She posited that when a mother was a secure-attachment figure, she became a safe haven for the child to explore from. The child would feel safe and confident to extend to the world knowing he/she could always retreat to the mother for safety.

Attachment Parenting

— the term was first coined by pediatrician, William Sears (1993). In essence, attachment parenting represents a responsive and sensitive parenting style that can help babies foster secure attachment. So attachment parenting is just one (extreme) form of parenting to facilitate secure attachment. It’s unfortunate that such a generic name was coined and confused with the actual attachment theory which has been monumental in our understanding of child development.

Why Is Attachment Theory And Attachment Parenting Controversial?

Let’s try to clear some confusion. Attachment theory itself is not controversial. This theory and categorization have stood the test of time. Many researches and experiments have been repeatedly done throughout the world by many psychologists and psychiatrists on *human* and similar results were obtained. Even respectable websites can get this wrong. Take, for example, an excerpt from one well known medical website.

The points most people are confused about are:

1. Attachment theory is not controversial. Attachment parenting theory is.
2. Although the original conceptualization by Bowlby was inspired by animal attachment, the attachment theory we know today was developed through Ainsworth’s in-depth observation of human babies in Uganda34. This model has been verified through many human-based studies worldwide.
3. Attachment theory was originally developed in the 1960s.

Why Is Attachment Parenting Controversial?

Sears’ Attachment Parenting has been loosely defined by eight principles. They are5:

1. Prepare for pregnancy, birth and parenting
2. Feed with love and respect
3. Respond with sensitivity
4. Use nurturing touch
5. Ensure safe sleep, physically and emotionally
6. Provide consistent and loving care
7. Practice positive discipline
8. Strive for balance in your personal and family life

At first glance, these 8 principles look a lot like the 10 parenting tips I wrote before, most of which are based on scientific findings. So why are there controversies? The controversies come from the specific practices prescribed for these principles in Sears’ book. Those practices are criticized as unrealistic6the best, extreme and anti-feminism the worst7.

For example, Sears encourages extended breastfeeding after infancy until the child decides to stop. This means the mother won’t be able to return to work until the child decides to wean. Although researches have shown the benefits of breastfeeding, most of these researches were done on babies who had been breastfed for 3 to 9 months of time8910, not for “as long as the child wanted”.

Sears also promotes kangaroo-like babycarrying during the course of the day, which means not only does the mother not able to return to work, but she also cannot go anywhere outside of the house unless she can wear the child all the time going there.

Another contested prescribed practice is cosleeping. Having close physical contact does provide lots of benefits to the baby, which is what the cosleeping advice was based on. However, in an expanded guideline issued by American Academy of Pediatrics in 201111, it is recommended that baby should sleep in the same room as the parents, but not in the same bed, to prevent SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).

Perhaps the most damaging claim in attachment parenting is that if a child is not met with parent’s responsiveness, then they will develop Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)12, a psychiatric condition described as markedly disturbed and developmentally inappropriate social relatedness in young children13. However, RAD is a result of severe physical and emotional deprivation often experienced by institutionalized children, such as orphans in Romanian orphanages14. These children grew up without any physical or emotional contact with people for years. Their RADs were not the result of working mothers who couldn’t breastfeed on cue until they were 5. So stretching results of RAD researches to prove the value of attachment parenting seriously undermines its credibility.

Use Of Attachment Theory

Attachment theory says that when a primary caregiver is consistently and appropriately responsive and sensitive to their child’s need, secure attachment develops. However, no researches have ever quantified or proven the optimal amount of responsiveness and sensitivity. As with most everything, extremes are just that, extremes. Moderation, common sense and consideration of your own circumstances should be used to strike a balanced life. So even if you don’t carry your baby around the clock or cosleep with them in the same bed, as long as you’re responsive and sensitive to their needs, according to attachment theory, secure attachment will still form. You’re still a good enough parent15. Your child can still grow up happy and healthy. That’s all that matters.

What do you think of “attachment parenting”? Tell us below.

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