What do our emotions mean?
Consider the following situation…
You are leading a meeting on a Tuesday morning when you notice your cell phone ringing and the caller ID reveals it is a senior leader in your division. Unable to stop the meeting to take the call, you send an instant message notifying them why you are unavailable, which results in the response, “Call me back ASAP!” As the meeting continues, you have trouble focusing and your mind wanders as you speculate about what prompted the urgent phone call. A knot starts to form in your stomach. Did you forget to send a critical status update? Is one of your stakeholders upset with you? Is there an emergency involving someone on your team?
Your conference call finally ends, and you quickly return the leader’s call. Without even saying “hello” they launch into an expletive-laced tirade of aggression, accusing you and your team of a long list of critical errors. Your heart rate begins to increase, and you can feel the rush of blood to your head. You catch a glimpse of yourself in the reflection of the window of your office and cannot remember the last time your face and cheeks were this shade of red.
As the verbal onslaught continues, you start to realize the names and deliverables cited in the accusations of this leader have nothing to do with you or your team. In the surge of anger and frustration, your leader has taken their aggression out on the wrong person! You are slightly relieved but now confused about how so much anger and hostility could have been directed at you in error. Finally, the tirade is over, and the leader asks through gritted teeth, “Well, what are you going to do about this?”
If this were a situation you were really faced with, what do you think you would be feeling right now? What do those feelings mean? What would the feelings reveal about your current emotions?
Before you answer these questions, it may be helpful to revisit where emotions come from.
Affect and Emotion
Throughout each day, our brains are constantly monitoring our internal processes, and attempting to maintain a balance in the amount of energy saved versus the amount of energy spent. This results in a “general sense of feeling [we] experience throughout each day” (Lisa Feldman Barrett) and is referred to by psychologists as affect. Think of affect as two types of sensations: valence (the extent to which we experience pleasant or unpleasant feelings) and arousal, (the level of intensity, high or low, we experience). The below table illustrates who the two sensations of affect form a matrix of high/low valence and high/low arousal.
Based on the sensations of affect we experience, our brains make predictions about what course of action is necessary to keep a balance in the flow of energy. As our brains carry out predictions, they associate the combinations of affective sensations with emotional labels. When there is a need to act with a sense of urgency to minimize the risk of negative consequences, the brain may label a sensation of low valence and high arousal as fear. The brain may label a sensation of low valence and low arousal as sadness, to motivate asking for help and support from others. Surprise may be the emotional label used to describe a sensation of high valence and high arousal to raise attention and focus on something important.
The creation of these emotional labels is a personal and contextual process. Each application of an emotional label can vary as much as the combinations of valence and arousal we experience. As our brains make predictions that compare favorably the predicted results the association with the emotional label is strengthened and used in future prediction. Let’s say I get bitten by a dog every time I reach out my hand to pet one. Eventually, my brain and body will associate the sensations of affect I experience with the emotional label as fear. This will result in me experiencing a fear of dogs as my brain and body are collaborating to persuade me to avoid the risk of another bite.
Since the process of creating emotional labels is personal, I created an example of the affect matrix using emotional labels I would associate with the different combinations. As others go through the labeling process, their matrix will probably look different than mine. The actual number of emotional labels is much larger; this is a simple representation. That said, one of the signs of increased emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and describe many emotional labels.
As difficult as it may be to identify the sensations of affect and emotional labels we experience, it can be much more difficult to identify them in others. Because emotional labels are unique to each individual’s experience, we cannot assume that our experience of fear is exactly the same as what someone else experiences. Using the categories of the affect matrix, we may be able to pinpoint the quadrant of sensations they are experiencing and use other tactics (including asking questions) to predict their emotional state.
Returning to the opening story…
If this were a situation you were really faced with, what do you think you would be feeling right now? Using the matrix, I would probably be experiencing something in the neighborhood of low valence and low arousal.
What do those feelings mean? My brain and body are probably predicting that avoiding further escalation of the conflict is the right course of action.
What would the feelings reveal about your current emotions? I am likely to be somewhere between an apathetic and calm emotional state as I attempt to prevent responding in a way that would escalate the situation further. (Note: I’ve learned to manage my emotions over time; my response earlier in my career may have been different).
Conversely, the leader from the story is probably feeling low valence and high arousal, in an emotional state that might be labeled as anger. Or maybe they are acting out of fear? It would be impossible to know without asking a series of questions to better understand the leader’s perspective. Staying curious and looking for more evidence to understand the emotional state of others is another sign of emotional intelligence.
Summary
Affect refers to the physical sensations of valence and arousal we experience daily. We assign labels to the combinations of valence and arousal which are called emotions. Our emotions are key for prescribing a recommended course of action based on our brain’s predictions. Using the affect matrix to identify and label our experiences of affect and emotion, along with the affect and emotions of others will help us improve our emotional intelligence.
