STRONG BLACK WOMEN FINISH FIRST-QUEEN SUGAR
We love strong black women until they express how strong they are.
Queen Sugar is a family show on OWN. It had a strong pilot episode, and I immediately knew who I loved and who irritated me. One person on my list was Charley Bordelon West.
Charley joins us as a snob; a know it all. She’s structured the lives of everyone dear to her in a way where she can best control them. What Charley says goes. She is a person who continually plays chess in her head because she has to make sure that she comes out on top.
Charley manages her husband’s career, oversees her families finances and makes all final decisions, even when her siblings and aunt don’t agree.
She was getting under my skin. Why is she the only one who can say what goes?! She can’t always be right?! Why is she so controlling?!
Is this what happens to young black women who aren’t allowed to voice their opinion? Do we become controlling? Are we scared to admit or even make mistakes? Do women of color have insane anxiety that we see as a burden we have to bear in order to be allowed to be fierce?
In season two, Charley briefly lets her guard down. After being complimented on her accomplishment by saving the local farmers, Charley says that the burden gets to her. She checks on everyone, but who checks on her? Who’s her back up? Not her husband, we thought he was but find out he’s a cheater and a full-blown liar. Not her siblings, they see her as an outsider. She’s financially more stable than them, which supports the false illusion that everything is OK.
I kept complaining about Charley; all her decisions seemed selfish to me. She’s the one who decides to open her own sugar mill. She decides to take on business relationships with a company that is out to ruin the farmers.
My friend, who co-owns a restaurant with her mother, and has staff and also family members rely on them said she understood Charley and had compassion for her.
Was I doing what I see so many people do to young and older black women?
One of my close friends has a daughter. An almost 10-year old who since the day I met her at 9 months old, has had a mind of her own.
She takes information in, processes and asks questions when she feels what is said doesn’t ring true or valid. She’s kind to her friends, a good student in her class and I enjoy spending one on one time with her since I only birthed boys who have no interest in my love for flowers and the color pink.
Our present world claims to welcome young girls like this, we want to see them and even grown women speak up for themselves. We want them to be fearless, innovative, project starters, leaders.
My friend’s daughter is a dark-skinned young girl. I’ve observed a pattern in grown-ups and their response to her natural spirit that doesn’t support the aspiration as mentioned above. This got me thinking…did I form my opinion on Charley because her independence annoyed me?
So I binge watched Queen sugar again. This time, I saw Charley’s character more clearly. It’s not that she has no flaws if anything she’s the only one somewhat addressing them. She seeks therapy for her marriage (briefly) and also for her son. The therapist tries to start some of Charley’s healing. She’s not entirely open to it yet, but you can see her mind mulling when particular questions arise.
Charley’s version of a strong black woman is very different from her sister Nova. Nova carries the burden of the of the black women by crying out her opinions, writing strong articles and fighting for justice through rallies and public speaking opportunities. Nova also deals with her pain by smoking weed, sleeping around and often operates in a very secretive way.
I know both versions of these black women. I also know that both of them are in survival mode. Survival to show the world that we are not the stereotypes they throw at us from birth, that black women have to do everything by themselves. Don’t count on the black man; he’ll leave. Don’t trust the white man; he’ll fool you and disrespect you. Don’t believe the white female is your friend; she will have you taken care of if you cross her. Don’t show that you love your sons; they will murder them.
Charley solves these assumptions by making sure there are no flaws to comment on, which leaves her to deal with all her demons on the inside.
I admire her now, especially since her character goes out of her way to not take on an unhealthy coping mechanism as a way of surviving. She wants to represent excellence, and she’s doing it with no support and tons of judgment and expectation.
As the show goes along, I would love for a storyline that goes in the direction of portraying what kind of support women like Charley appreciate in a partner as well in bonds with their family members and friends.
As a protector, Charley has a long road ahead of her. Recently the IG community has often posted memes that insist you “check on your strong friend,” someone better check on Charley, she’s exactly who they need down at the sugar mill.
