10 Things That Annoy Tall People
By Dante DeMartini (6'6")
Tall in today’s society is being at least 6 feet 2 inches, having problems getting into cars, or having to get longer beds because your feet hang off the edge. If you are short and thinking about why you would ever want to read about lengthy people, this article will show how to really get on sizable people’s nerves.
1. Asking how tall a tall person really is. No one likes being in an engaged activity when someone comes up to you and says, “How tall are you?” Landin Ambrosini is 6 feet 4 inches and said, “The number of times I get asked this question a day is astonishing. Like really, way too many times.”
2. If you happen to see a very statuesque person and you can’t help but ask how tall he or she is, please do not question their height. If someone tells you he is 6 foot 8 inches, don’t say, “There is no way you’re 6-foot-8!” I’m sure he is happy to stop whatever he is doing to let you know exactly how high up he is.
3. Asking if he or she plays basketball. This question is something that instantly sets a giant into story mode. My father happens to be 6 feet 5 inches and didn’t play basketball because he had a late growth spurt. Why would he waste such a gift bestowed upon him by a higher power? I’m not sure, but I know he coaches baseball.
4. Items or ceilings that hang low or in the way of a lofty character. Most people don’t realize hitting your head on a glass chandelier hurts about as much as stubbing your toe. I have hit my head and then stubbed my toe immediately after. It’s why being tall has its downsides, too.
5. “How is the weather up there?” When people ask me this I just want to say, “It’s cloudy with a chance of shut up and go away.”
6. Asking dumb questions like “How’d you get so tall?” For some reason, people assume because you’re tall, you have always been tall. We did start out like everyone else and then we grew. “Were you always that tall?” Yes. When I was born, I was 78 inches and 220 pounds. I was so big I broke my clavicle on entry to this world. I also caused a heavy amount of emotional and physical trauma for my mom.
7. Shopping for clothes. Shopping for length 38 and width 34 is impossible in retail, so altitudinous people must shop online at sites like King Size Direct or Long Tall Sally. Don’t even get me started on trying to find size 16 shoes.
8. Small children. Kids don’t have a filter because they don’t know right from wrong, but when I get on the bus and some little kid stares at me the whole time, it can get annoying. It gets even worse when I stand up and the kid asks his mom, “What happened to him?”
9. People who complain about your height at the movies, opera, plays or concerts. To these people I say, “I’m sorry.” If it annoys you but you are too lazy to move, then don’t you dare ask me to because I sure as hell ain’t moving.
10. When people ask to “borrow” my height. I say, “No.”
When you see a tall person, remember this list. Realize that tall people are still people, with feelings. Most importantly, be nice to tall people because they are, in fact, bigger than you.
