Five Things Retail Workers Really Want You To Know
No, really. They really, really do.
In the world of retail, sales associates work long and hard, and spend countless hours maintaining the image of a company that probably pays them little and cares for them even less. Before you shop, take this checklist with you, and bear in mind the following:
- Your jokes really aren’t funny.
Before you quip that the item without a price tag must be free, please remember the employee assisting you has probably heard that joke about three times in the past half hour. It wasn’t funny the first time. It’s downright eye-twitchingly, jaw-grindingly annoying now. Retail workers aren’t laughing at your joke; they’re laughing so they aren’t fired for poor customer service. Listening to humorless jokes makes that aspect of their job harder. It becomes painful to force a laugh the 300th time a customer winks and says, “Surely you can find an extra discount for me. You seem like a sweet person.” Retail associates have to laugh at so many terrible wisecracks, they’re in danger of their face sticking like Miss America during the third hour of the swimsuit competition.
2. Please stop flirting with us.
Believe it or not, retail workers don’t smile and act friendly to you because they think you’re hot. They do it because it’s their job to make every customer feel welcome. You aren’t so special. This is their place of employment, and no matter how attractive you find them, it’s inappropriate to flirt. Keep your mouth shut, buy what you came to buy, and move on. If your mother was in the store with you, would you ask the sales associate to help undress you? Probably not.
3. If the computer says there’s none of that item left, there’s none of that item left.
No, they don’t have any in the back, and no, they can’t order it for you. It’s on clearance; they’re not getting a new shipment. It’s very tragic that you made the 12-hour drive in the snow uphill both ways to search this completely out-of-the-area store in search of size 0 disco pants before calling and checking. However, this is not going to change the fact that it’s out of stock.
Little secret: sometimes, even though the computer says there’s none, retail workers will go in the back and look anyway, just to get away from you.
4. You generally need a receipt and/or the card you bought the item with to return it.
It should go without saying that you can’t return items that you’ve worn, damaged, stolen, or purchased so long ago they’re not even in the catalog anymore. If you’re returning an item, it’s safe to assume you’re a grown adult — or at least someone mature enough to understand right from wrong. You know very well that the neon green muumuu you’re attempting to return is non-returnable. Yet you continue to try and it’s rude and immature. It gets worse when you berate the sales associate for not accepting a non-returnable pair of plastic sandals that you’ve already scuffed up. Next time you’re thinking about returning an item you’ve worn, used, broken, or otherwise ruined, consider this: don’t.
5. Retail associates are not in charge of changing things that make you angry.
This may surprise you, but retail associates aren’t in charge. They can‘t control sale prices, return policies, store selection, line lengths, credit card problems, or most of the other issues they have to endure abuse over day in and day out. You are essentially yelling at an empty register when you demand changes that neither the sales associate nor the manager can make, except the register you’re yelling at has feelings. Sales associates must withstand customers’ complaints constantly, and many come with an insult or two, for flavoring. If it’s not being accused of stupidity when the card machine is down, then it’s being called a “greedy Jew” when expired coupons don’t work.
So, please. These five facts make it clear that working in retail is a hard and frequently rewardless job. It would be a huge relief if shoppers remembered that.
