How To Effectively Use Robocalls

“All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

By Steve Wardrip

“It’s all in the choice you make and we hope you choose us. How are you today? My name is Marybelle and I am your customer service representative.”

“I’m fine. How are you?”

“I am so excited to tell you about this opportunity. Let me explain.”

“What is it?”

“You have been chosen out of thousands of people to receive this information.”

“Okay, what is it?”

“In this rush, rush modern world, it’s no wonder that people are discovering that there is comfort and solace in staying home, away from the hurry up and wait traffic, the buzz of the city, and the stresses of everyday life. The most comfortable way to enjoy home is relaxing on your own backyard deck! Just think… you can entertain, spend quiet time, read, cookout, make homemade ice cream… whatever you want in the privacy of your own backyard with a beautiful, strong and functional custom built deck.”

“Oh, I see what it is. No thanks, I’m not interested.”

“Stay on the line and you will be connected to one of our deck specialist. They will discuss your personal choices and give you all the options.”

“No, I don’t think this is for me, but thanks for calling anyway.”

“Since you have expressed a desire to move forward in partnering with us in designing and building your own beautiful custom made deck, we want to extend a special offer, only available today. We want to give you 75% off your first deck purchase from Quality Decks Company. QDC stands behind every deck with our unconditional guarantee. Satisfaction Guaranteed or your money back.”

“No, I’m not sure you heard me, but thanks anyway. I’m not interested.”

“When you first tell us what you are looking for in a backyard deck, our project manager goes to work to offer you the most up to date information, giving you the control to decide exactly what kind of deck you want. We have hundreds of designs and possibilities to choose from.”

“Okay, I’m going to hang up now. Thanks, but no thanks.”

“We’re so excited to have you as a new customer, we’ve decided to give you a bonus prize just for choosing us. We will include at no extra charge two two foot by two foot wooden backyard planters to compliment your new deck. They will match perfectly and can be placed anywhere you want.”

“I was born in 1989. I am Hispanic. I work for the family business. They own restaurants in three cities and I am the regional manager. I travel a lot to establish new advertising and supervise operations. I assist in the bookkeeping and work closely with my family to make this business a success. I don’t have much home time to sit around on a deck.”

“We have so many modern and stylish decks to compliment your home, it will amaze you.”

“I will amaze you with my tenacity for detail. I am a fanatic about the restaurant business. I believe we can have the best restaurant franchise in the whole world.”

“We have every shape and design available for you and hundreds of testimonials from satisfied customers all over the country.”

“I know you are not listening to me and that this is just a recorded robocall message, but, actually, when I’m talking to you, I’m talking to myself. You want to encourage me to buy a deck and I want to encourage myself to build the biggest and best restaurant chain in the world. You may never hear me and my message, but thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk to a machine and announce my intentions.”

“We are so delighted to have you as new customer we want to give you an additional gift of a brand new Backyard Barbeque Set of Utensils! What do you think about that?”

“What I think about it is this. I have been thinking of promotional ideas to bring more people into out restaurants and just now, I have received approval to implement a new promo. We will be giving away to one random table, every hour on the hour, a complimentary guest check. A free meal for the whole table, no matter how many people are seated. All the table numbers are put in a fishbowl and on the hour a guest will be asked to draw a table number from the bowl. That table number eats free. If no one is seated there, no one wins. Anyone seated at the drawn table number eats for free. Every hour on the hour a new drawing will be held. Out customers can take a chance at getting a free meal as often as they want to eat at “El Pablo’s”

“We are happy to announce our financing options available to you to make it fun, easy and affordable to own your own Backyard Deck. Here at QDC, we believe in making it a great experience for out customer. Press the number one key on your phone to be connected to the first available specialist now”

“Furthermore, I want to announce that the bank loan we’ve been considering has been approved and we will definitely be building a fourth restaurant soon. It will be located in the biggest metro area and will be open seven days a week, twelve hours a day. A brand new design will be unveiled and we will showcase all our finest fares in a luxurious themed atmosphere with plenty of parking, the best service in the world from the best waitstaff in the world.”

“Please press the #1 on your phone or press #2 to be added to our do not call list.”

“Let me tell you about out Shrimp and Steak Fajitas… How about a “Massive Margarita?… Did you hear about our new kids menu?… Would you like to visit out gift shop?… Would you like our catalog?”

“Please press the #1 on your phone now or press the #2 to be removed.”

“Let me tell you about out employees. We have the best employees in the whole world at El Pablo’s. We provide them will constant training and keep them updated on the latest processes as well as teaching them the traditional ways of preparing the best Mexican food in all the world. There is no compromise in our service and quality. We strive to be the best and we are the best. Come done at El Pablo’s and you will see and you might even eat free!”

“Please press the number #1 to speak to a customer service representative or press the #2 key to be removed. Thank You.”

“Thank You! and just let me say it because your robocall gave me the little boost I needed to make big decisions. I have just affirmed that we will succeed. I have just decided that since I told a non-human machine my announcements, I can now go forward with confidence in announcing it to the whole world. A press release is in order. We will do anything to promote our business… anything at all, except for telemarketing. No robocalls. They are annoying… but inspiring and we will not use them.”

”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

“We are accepting applications for help wanted. If you are personable, reasonable, sensible and have common sense, we encourage you to apply. If you think like a robocall telemarketer… best wishes, but we don’t need or want you. We are striving to be the best restaurant in the world and robocallers are losers because they don’t really exist. You must actually exist to apply for this position.”

”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

“I said, GO AWAY!”

”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

“Please, don’t call here anymore!”

”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

“Put me on the Do Not Call List!”

”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

“Stop it!”

”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

“Jeez…”

”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

“OK”

”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

“!!!”

”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

Click! Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…….

“Hi, This is El Pablo’s Mexican Restaurant. Use Coupon Code #321345 for a FREE COMPLIMENTARY DINNER OF YOUR CHOICE ON THE MENU. Dine-in only. This offer not good with any other offers. Expires 01–01–2020 Thank You for choosing El Pablo’s!”

“Don’t ever call here again! Put us on your DO-NOT-CALL List!

”Thank You For Holding. All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us. Did you know El Pablo’s caters? Book your nect Birthday Party at El Pablo’s! Did you know El Pablo’s has Meeting Rooms? Call for details. El Pablo’s, your best choice for quality authentically prepared Mexican Meals. ”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

”All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

“Hi, El Pablo’s Mexican Restaurant. How can we help you?”

“Hi, this is Quality Decks Company. We want to order out. 100 Soft Shell Tacos, 100 Hard Shell Tacos and 50 Supreme Burritos, delivered… and add lot of varieties of sauce, mild to hot and any cheese or condiment sides. We are at 404 Fulber Drive Phone 314–555–5555. We need lots of napkins. No drinks. Okay?”

”Thank you for holding. All operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.”

“Your total with quantity discount is $399. Please pay driver with a major credit or debit card. Delivers in 45 minutes. Thank You for your Order. Remember El Pablo’s for your next company party!”

“Hello! El Pablo’s, How may I help you?”

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