By STEVE WARDRIP
Crazy out of my mind. That’s what Tulip says. How in the ____ did he know?
His dilapidated shack of a cranium is still steaming like the stinking cooked cabbage it contains. If it were not for the grand pomp and pageantry of his forerunners, his anchor would have been invalidated long ago. The indication of official sanction is etched in his hollow bones of indifference. Tulip’s hair fits like a screw-off bottle cap revealing a gaseous concoction of piss, vinegar and cheap beer that comes to a head when shaken slightly at room temperature. Spewing forth spittle is his forte and for a grand finale, Tulip resorts to shakey finger-pointing and eerie name-calling. His use of ten-dollar words is markedly unconventional, inspired by fear, uneasiness or rage that cannot be explained rationally and therefore may suggest the preternatural or a sinister influence. I refer to that which is uncanny and extremely puzzling which is a source of wonder and fascination. His talent, it seems to be, is a knack for the unearthly so strange as to suggest what is not of this world. Weird. Odd. Far-fetched.
Fortunately, for me, I opine that Tulip is merely having a falling-out and that his personal disagreement is baseless, frivolous and unworthy of anyone’s attention. Oh, but it’s the head of the boil in his self-sealed, sequestered condition. No doubt, the rage festering in his heated dome comes from the inferior DNA forced into his bloodstream before birth. It has shocked his system so badly as to have caused deep, yet, repairable damage. Our heraldry is belicose and pugnacious in it’s very nature thusly enabling him to leave this serac remaining behind like a defeated looper.
Hereinto this matter I boldy interject a pace undetractible. A stance so invincible none can detour or violate. My feat of accomplishment will be foudroyant with social poise to such extent as to purge any ill-favored denial still harbored yet in Tulip’s psyche. I will deliberately lambaste with such exclusive and proprietary dominance any residual evil or ignorance lingering in Tulip’s body, mind and spirit that the very angels will stand aghast. Let the binary become as one singular voice structured in harmony with Lucullen luminescense forever. Let rulers rule. Let might excel. Just is just.