Blog Post #6

Original:

The main idea behind the horse’s “frame” is that it allows the rider to have better contact with the horse’s mouth via a steady connection on the reins, which attach to the bit, the metal piece in the mouth. It also relates to stride length; equines put their feet down directly under their noses. If the horse’s head is high up or if its nose is behind the perpendicular line formed with the ground, then the stride will be shorter compared to a horse that runs with its nose outstretched, for example. When the horse’s facial plane is perfectly perpendicular with the ground, the rider has the option to push the horse forward in front of the vertical to lengthen the stride, or vice versa to achieve the opposite effect. If the rider’s reins are loose or the horse travels consistently off of the vertical in either direction, stride control is minimized or, in some cases, completely lost. This ideal head position can be taught by months and months of trial and error wt the rider’s aids, or it can be learned in as few as a couple rides with the assistance of bungees.

Revised:

The main idea behind the horse’s “frame” is that it allows the rider to have better contact with the horse’s mouth via a steady connection on the reins, the long leather straps that attach to the bit, the metal piece used for steering and stopping. It also relates to stride length; equines always put their feet down directly under their noses. If the horse’s head is high up or if its nose is behind the perpendicular line formed with the ground, then the stride will be shorter compared to a horse that runs with its nose outstretched, for example. When the horse’s facial plane is perfectly perpendicular with the ground, the rider has the option to push the horse forward in front of the vertical to lengthen the stride, or vice versa to achieve the opposite effect. The better connection achieved by a correctly held frame offers more clarity in the aids conveyed to the horse. If the rider’s reins are loose or the horse travels consistently off of the vertical in either direction, stride control is minimized or can even be completely lost. This ideal head position can be taught by months and months of trial and error with the rider’s aids, or it can be learned in as few as a couple rides with the assistance of bungees, minimizing potential frustration within the pair.

Summary:

In this revision, I first edited any immediately obvious spelling and grammatical mistakes. Then I looked for where I could better give my readers a road map of my thoughts and argument, as Joe Harris suggested in Chapter 5. I added more clarification for the benefits of having the horse in a frame. Additionally, I brought in a main part of my argument, that training aids speed up the training process and can reduce confusion and frustration in a horse and rider pair. I also rearranged some of my sentences that were too wordy and to keep the audience’s attention. Overall, I think that going over this paragraph and using Harris’ advice helped me to convey my main argument better. My second version also adds more clarity to the general purpose and function of the topic of my paper, the debated use of training tools with horses. One of my main concerns is using language that is above the understanding of my readers, and I think going over my writing a second time offered me the opportunity to use Harris’ suggestions to make my writing more understandable to the average person.