On Selling Our Condo During a Pandemic

It’s 2020 — What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Part I.

Yes, this is happening.

After much debate, my boyfriend and I have decided to sell our condo in downtown Nashville, in favor of literally anything with a backyard and a soaking tub.

Just kidding, there was no debate.

If either of us were suited to the bucolic life, we’d be braiding garlic stalks by now — a thing, I’ve heard, people do. I’m not a monster, most of those Fixer Upper houses speak right to my love of tree hammocks, farm fences, and grand stables. Sadly, though I may joke about my dog being a horse, she is in fact, just a large dog — not even close to the largest of her kind. She’s also used to a luxurious life of plush blankets and prescription dog food, so she wouldn’t take to sleeping with barn cats. Oh also, no, I cannot afford a stable.

There was no debate because we know we have to move. Some things you just outgrow and like those Imogen & Willie jeans I bought when I was 28, the time to stop pretending you will ever fit into that ideal again, is nigh.

The condo itself is a fucking gem, you should definitely buy it.

I don’t know what sweet smell led my boyfriend and his parents to this space — built in 1890…