20230530 Slow Down

Advo-Kate,

I love Star Wars, and I had no idea it’s only been 4.6 decades (and it’s already been 4.6 decades!) since it released. And you’re right — the amount of work that has evolved from that one story is just… mind boggling.

Plus, the hope it entails? That’s you, you know. YOU are bringing hope. And I love that you’ve been reminded of it. Keep that going. I like this version of you that is excited about Reclaimers. It’s gonna change PEOPLE. Individuals. And entire nations. Keep going.

For me…

Oh man, Kate. Do you ever feel like a total failure? Montmarena is… it’s GOLD. It’s going to change people’s lives. And it’s also a complete failure. I feel like I had the idea, and the support of mentors, all lined up and ready to go, but I just.couldn’t.launch it.

I don’t know how to explain it… It’s like I needed a chance to recover. Like I’d broken my leg and was watching all my friends riding their bikes outside, and I knew when my time was right I could get back out there, but there was also something that just… kept me inside.

In fact, every time I went to work on it, I got sleepy. It’s funny… Up until this very moment, I didn’t realize I was ignoring signs to shift direction. I get it now…

So Japan.0… Reinventing myself has been glorious this time around. She’s new. She’s without religion. She’s more confident than ever before. And she is in her DGAF era… It’s empowering.

But it’s also interesting… Being in my mid-30s and learning for the first time to listen to myself. I guess it’s not really that new… Did I ever tell you about the thing that shifted my whole trajectory? The thing that changed literally everything?

7 years ago I was in a moment of meditation, trying to understand what I was missing — what I could work on. The message came loud and clear: SLOW DOWN.

(Have you ever seen that old show Taxi? There’s a great scene worth watching that makes me laugh every time I think about slowing down… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HvmtbZzA40)

So anyway. Slow down. That’s the message that has shaped everything. In the moment it feels SO frustrating. But writing to you about it now is… Well, it’s putting things in perspective, really. I’m seeing that the growth of myself is an awful lot like the growth of my kids, Blue & Green. Their growth is happening daily, so I never even notice it. Until I have a day like today, where Green’s kindergarten teacher shared with us pictures from the first day of school compared to today and the difference is striking. They’ve grown SO much… And yet, the daily moments are unnoticeable.

So maybe, just maybe, I’m not as stuck as I’ve felt. The growth is incredible, really… As I look back I recognize how far I’ve come.

I’m taking the next 2 months to recalibrate. To see and feel and really get a sense of where I want to go. My sister taught me about a 26 year goal — a marathon goal. I kind of like that idea. Though maybe I’ll just do a 5k goal for now.

Ok. Back to you. Reclaimers… Any new characters for us this season? Spoilers?

Trusting the journey,

Roxanne