High initiative can be high stress
Imagine a scene in game where things are teetering on the brink of violence, diplomacy is breaking down and the chaos is close. And just in case everyone starts shouting out actions, the Storyteller asks everyone to roll for initiative. Great! I’m one of those people who loves good RP, encourages and seeks it out, but I get excited when it’s time for initiative.
But now imagine being at the peak of that tension and you’re at the top of the initiative list. All of that teetering and chaos is on you.
Under most circumstances, going first in combat is awesome. You get to plan without worrying that anyone else’s action will get in the way of your idea, you get to act before the enemy can lay a finger on you, and you get the plain-old first punch! But in a high-stakes moment, you’re also often responsible for what goes down. What do you do? Talk, make a last-ditch effort to salvage the situation? Throw the first fireball to put the enemy on their back foot? Try to run and hide? It’s up to you now, and that decision can be incredibly stressful.
Whatever you do, you’re setting the tone. You’re (generally) committing the rest of the party to that same thing.
If the veils at your table are thin — that is, if the Storyteller allows the players to communicate above-table freely — then you may be able to talk it out with everyone. For everyone to pitch in their ideas and express what they want to happen next. Then maybe being the one to kick things off gets to be more fun than stressful. But if the veils at your table are thick, and the only speaking you can do is in character, then you have to guess the direction everyone wants to go. And sometimes not everyone in the party wants the same thing.
Getting in the first shot is awesome, but upsetting another player isn’t. I know it’s all just a game, but a good game can get me on the edge of my seat, adrenalin flowing, while a bad one can make me feel sick and stressed. Players get invested in the game and what’s going on. And if you’ve got social anxieties — as many gamers do — then you’re going to worry about upsetting everyone anyway, even if they’re all giving you big grins and thumbs-up.
So be kind to yourself. Understand that having to make the first in initiative choice can be a big decision and it’s okay to feel stressed. It’s okay to hold an action or pass your first turn so the rest of the party can help make those all-important decisions. It’s okay to throw an X card like a mental health conscious Gambit and just say that you need to thin the veils for a second — because it is a game. It’s supposed to be fun, and no one should stress out over it.
And if you’re at the back of initiative, stuck waiting for your turn — we’ve all been there — be patient with the player who is first in line. Remember that they may have the biggest decision to make in the scene, and that they’re trying to do what’s best for the whole party We’re all in this together, whether we talk or blast our way out of trouble.
