3 Reasons Why: Social Media Unplugged
Reason 1.
May 4, 2018 : 1,535 Friends
4:19 p.m.
Sorry to interrupt you, I know you’re probably cuddled up on that little beige couch in the back room of your old house, watching after school Wizards of Waverley Place as you do every Monday around this time.
You don’t know me quite yet….So I guess it’s best I introduce myself. You see, I’m the person you will be 7 years from now. Exactly 7 years from now. Exactly the same brown haired, green eyed girl with just a little bit more height and a little bit less time.
Now, before you reach for your ‘oh so beloved’ bright blue blackberry (Hint at the sarcasm… you end up trading it in for a cracked up iPhone only a month from now) and take a photo of this very letter to post up for everyone to see, there are a few things I want to tell you.
The first being this.
That Facebook page — yes, the one with the 300 friends, 15 of them being your “siblings” and one apparently your wife — well, there’s a bit you should know. Only a few weeks from now you’re going to double the ‘friends’ on your feed, and a few months from then, you’ll triple. And right now, 7 years later, with the 1,535 friends you have… I can promise you that less than half would even be considered that.
You see, somewhere along the line you stopped caring about the relationship or the region. You went from sharing your status and selfies with your mom and your best friend to sharing it with 25 year-old Poalo from Italy. 25 year-old Poalo whom you’ve never met because you’ve never been to Italy nor do you speak Italian. 25 year-old Poalo, a complete stranger, who now has a personal archive of your very favourite photos, films, fantasies and fears.
And for what?
For a friend? Or for a feeling?
For a moment of feeling heard. A moment of feeling valued…
I get it. Facebook gives you the illusion of companionship, of intimacy, of friendship. You can turn to it to feel connected, to feel comfortable, to feel in control of your actions and reactions. No more awkward hair twirling or pen fidgeting as you try to ask her if she’d want to go see a movie with you at nine. Facebook makes it as easy. Facebook makes it all easy.
But what happens when you unplug? When you stop getting the easily accessible gratification you so desperately desire?
Well, you get lonely.
We learn to think that being alone, truly alone, is a problem. And that the only cure to this heart wrenching, soul crushing problem is social media. But what if the one day you go ‘alone’ is the one day you step away from isolation. You see, the more you allow Facebook to consume you, the more you fear losing it’s presence. But maybe losing it is the only way to ever gain anything. To regain eye-contact in conversation, concerts without cameras, festivals without flash.
Reason 2.
May 4, 2018 : Consenting
5:35 p.m.
There’s this show. It’s called 13 Reasons Why, you haven’t heard of it yet (nor will you understand my title’s play on words until you do) but there’s this one scene I want you to know about. It’s one of the first, intriguing really…
In a whirlwind of pain and fury, you see a teen girl undergo the embarrassment of having her private photos spread through the school. Once held in the hands of a (so it appeared) trusted young man was now plastered across every shared social screen for everyone to see.
And yes, it’s shocking and crushing and terrible to see… But it’s exactly what you will see. Yes, what you will see.
2 years from now, that same girl that you see sitting at the back of your science class everyday is the same girl that’ll be begging for a moment like yours. A moment to warn herself, to ask for help, to ask for forgiveness for what’s yet to come.
But, forgiveness for what?
Forgiveness for a photo she never wanted to be sent? For confiding in a friend she thought meant much more?
From young, we’re taught that our lives should be publicized, our locations are to be shared, our secrets are to be spread. Social media tells us that people cant wait to find out what you thought about the third Paranormal Activity movie or why you felt like this week’s Big Mac at McDonald’s was better than last. And many times we believe it.
So,we get in the habit of telling our stories and posting our pics. And eventually that habit turns into an expectation.
We start feeling like we’re obliged to share and we’re deserving of other people’s information… That’s how we get to where we are. Where shows like 13 Reasons Why exist because the problem is pervasive.
So what is there left to do? Well, as you grow, just remember that not everything needs to be published on a platform, some things can be kept sacred, just for you to know or see. Also, don’t get too caught up in the vivacious virtual world. Remember, that solitude can be your friend if you treat it like one. And for your real friends (not just the ones on Facebook), be respectful, empathic and caring. Don’t forget to be there for her when that day comes, when the whole room stops and her heart pounds. Maybe you can’t prevent the action but you can control your reaction, and that’s what matters.
Reason 3.
May 4, 2018 : Goodbye Grandpa
6:05 p.m.
The day will come when you have to say goodbye. It’ll feel unfair and unexpected, confusing and heartbreaking all at the same time.
I’m not here to tell you how you’re going to feel or how I think you should feel because just like everyone else, you’re going to go through it. And just like everyone else you’re going to need support — a warm hand to hold or a body to squeeze. And just like everyone else, you’re going to do what’s best at making you feel best. But unlike everyone else, you’re going to take to Twitter.
The platform is home to hundreds of thousands of suppressed feelings and emotional explosions. For years, you’ve taken to 280 words to heal breakups, friendship fallouts, broken promises and failed expectations. On that day, you’ll try to type your way towards relief.
As satisfying as it is, to see that little birdie flash blue, it doesn’t give you the satisfaction you really need.
The reason is this: social media recognizes our vulnerability and offers us the opportunity to mask it through delicately crafted sentences and perfectly filtered photos. Nevertheless, it puts us in a place where we have to choose between breaking down our carefully constructed fictitious profiles or showing both the good and the bad, sharing our hardships, insecurities, pains and grief.
As much as we want everyone to think we’re all contrived of an array of savvy remarks and perfectly polished speeches, it isn’t until we stutter, stop and stumble that we truly reveal ourselves to the people before us.
Technology is going to try to define human connection — it will give you digital relationships, automatic friendships and even virtual environments. But these were the 3 reasons why you must never forget to appreciate your real feelings, to your real friends and to your real life.
