An open letter to my naïve, “pre-social media” self
Dear Grace,
It’s October 12, 2009. You’re probably at a cottage right now, wishing you weren’t so isolated from the world and everyone else. Sure, there’s e-mail and MSN Messenger when you get back home, but it’s not the same. You’ve heard of a little site called Facebook that everybody is using, and at this point, you really want to check out the hype around Restaurant City and Pet Society because Neopets was so last year.
Et voilà! You’ve created your first social media account after you faked your age. Welcome.
But don’t get me wrong, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. You’re going to add a few people from your elementary school, only to have one of them criticize your newly-uploaded profile picture from that exact cottage trip. It’s going to make you feel sad for a bit, but that won’t be the worst thing that’ll happen to you.
And so you’ll send friend requests to more people — even to individuals you don’t know. (There was a certain kind of high you got from doing so, I swear.) They would usually click “accept”, except for a few who messaged back asking who you were. You’d lie, naturally, to avoid any form of embarrassment and that’s where your social media metrics addiction will come into play. 50 friends? Let’s go for 100! And it was a constant competition to have a larger network than the person who came before.
Social media, from that time forward, will forever be known as your kryptonite. It was the breeding ground for bullies, giving voice to the anonymous and providing screens as masks to the insecure. So you moved on to Twitter after a cute boy suggested you follow him. Then came YouTube. Tumblr. Instagram. But you’re still going to cling to Facebook, as if people in real life provided some competitive environment that forced you to share status updates and photos whenever you could, merely to show off. But here’s a tip: don’t. It’ll save your future self A LOT of time when you decide to remove these embarrassing posts. And yes, even though you find them hilarious now, they will be embarrassing.
Nonetheless, here’s a spoiler: you’re going to go to university for a program that will well suit your needs and enrol in a social media course. And only in 2017, after you’ve had many, many mental breakdowns and social media hiatuses, will you truly understand how to properly use the Internet to your advantage and be at ease with your online presence.
But until then, here are some tips:
- Don’t stick to the status quo.
Although your friends are on a particular site, that does not mean that you have to be on it as well. If the site serves you no purpose, then save that time and energy for something else! You’ll just end up exhausted keeping up with others who share different values and ideals. (Tip: do NOT, under any circumstance, sign up for anonymous ask applications such as ask.fm or Formspring.me, even if it’s what everyone’s using. That’s just salt in the wound.)
2. Practise self-care.
I know you’re going to roll your eyes, but pay careful attention to how you feel before, during, and after social media. Are you happy? Do you feel upset or overwhelmed? Personally, I enjoy engaging with politics to become more aware of the world, but it usually leaves me tired, angry, and annoyed. All of these emotions are unhealthy when brought back to reality, and that’s when I need to call it a day. Reflecting on and keeping in tune with your feelings is especially important in educating yourself about the dangers (or silent killers) of the online world.
3. Don’t take everything so seriously.
It happens more often than not: people do not follow you back. People will not always “like” your photos on Instagram even though they’ve seen your story, and it’s not personal… most of the time. You might not want to believe it, but social media is simply a pixelated world of its own; it’s not worth getting into a fuss over.
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ―Bernard M. Baruch
4. Engage more. Engage responsibly.
You know that saying, “What you put out into the universe is what you’ll get back”? Well, they’re not lying. You’ve cultivated your community for a reason and unless you begin following others first, they won’t interact with you. Unless you start liking others’ photos and commenting on them, your engagement won’t reach its peak. Create your own network and it will replicate itself. However, realize that there is a fine line between intelligent engagement and meaningless engagement. Make sure you deliver planned content, as opposed to canned.
5. Think of your future.
While you’re having fun now, do not forget that whatever you post online will be there years to come. The cute email address you have right now may be fun, but if you won’t recite it to your employer or even the cashier at H&M, make a new one.
6. Regulate your usage.
Yes, social media is great, but we all need a break sometimes. I currently struggle with using it too often; it’s just about consumed my life. Perhaps stop browsing Facebook before you go to sleep or checking Snapchat stories the second you wake up. You’ll have so much more time in a day to do other, more productive, tasks such as homework or even chores! Always remember to check up on your mother and take her out for lunch. Human interaction cannot be replaced.
7. Let go of the toxic.
While we’re encouraged to have mutual followings, do not feel compelled to continue following somebody whose content triggers or upsets you. Even though you’ve known him/her since Grade 4, it’s not worth jeopardizing your mental health and sanity over. (This also applies to exes and other toxic friends: acknowledge and forget.)
8. Social media metrics do NOT define your self-worth.
If there is one thing I want you to take from this blog post, this is it. Often, we’re so caught up with getting the most likes or getting the most followers that social media turns into this vicious number game. And the matter of the fact is that when life is all said and done, no one will care about your ability to please people — because that’s what likes are about, right? Rather, they’ll care about everything mentioned above. How true you’re able to stay to yourself. How much you engage with your peers, be it on the Internet or in-person. And guess what? Some of the kindest individuals I know don’t get as many likes as do the rude, and it all depends on how we use social networks, whether it’s for higher metrics or sharing bits of our lives with people we love. You’re worth more than all of Beyoncé’s likes combined. And don’t you forget it.
And so those are 8 tips for the 8 years it took me to comfortably use social media. And it’s a long process, trust me. But don’t regard social media as the enemy just yet; so much good can come out of it such as being able to expand your personal brand and connect with close peers. Get to know all of little bits and details because many jobs will depend on the ability to use such platforms. Be smart, always, and remember, her success is not your failure.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey through life, and may my (or should I say “our”?) future self pass down greater wisdom the next time our paths cross.
Cheers.
