Dear (A Much Younger) Haley
I remember the day I set up my first social media account: Facebook. It must have been 6th grade and I came home one day to my parents setting up my account (I had been begging for weeks). I was at the age where I had to do EXACTLY what all my friends and classmates were doing at the time. Big shoutout to my parents for teaching me “different parents, different rules” early because that is one phrase that stuck. Anyways, I thought Facebook was going to be a fun thing and it would make me cool. Little did I know it would become a huge part of my life.
I am the type of person who often finds themselves with their phone glued to their hand. I have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat and use them actively. I also have accounts on Tumblr and Pinterest which I occassionally use. Over my active years, I have struggled with each stressor at some point, and still struggle with them! First, I have always been dealing with the “highlight reel” stressor. I find this mostly on Instagram. I try to make my Instagram as appealing as possible, analyzing colours, sizing, poses etc. I used to use borders too to make it look even cooler. I compare with influencers and celebrities to try to make my feed look as aesthetically pleasing as theirs. The next stressor is a big one; social currency. Ever since I was first asked “how many likes do you get on Instagram” I have been driven by getting “liked”. I can even admit to taking down posts because of like count. I have found myself thinking that getting lots of likes on my selfies means that I am beautiful and attractive. I built a toxic relationship with likes. Next, FOMO is one that has been subconciously there. I don’t find myself scrolling because I don’t want to miss anything, but my habits show it. I check all my apps as soon as I wake up, often throughout the day and right before I go to bed. It is something that has become routine and part of me is kind of scared to break it. The last stressor is a huge problem that I have not come in contact with too directly, luckily. Online harrassment has become such a problem for teens. Many people have found that it is easier to hide behind a computer screen and say whatever they want, no matter how awful it can be. The only type of online harrassment I can think of growing up is arguing or fighting with friends online or over text. It is not to the fullest extreme, but people have found ways to say mean things to me that I know they would not say in person.
And those are just my experiences with the stressors. I could write a full post of the consequences alone. I have experienced all of those consequnces. I have stayed up way too late on my phone and found myself addicted at times. I have also developed a bad habit of checking social media during class and while studying/doing work. Lastly, I think social media has been a factor in my dealing with anxiety and anxious thinking.
I’m in a place right now where social media is seeming as more of a negative than a positive. I need to change this.
Sometimes I wish I could go back and time and talk to my younger self. I’d tell her to chill out 99.9% of the time. Oh man, I wish I could tell her to stop worrying about her Ryerson acceptance…because here I am! Mostly, I wish I could tell her that practicing “safe social” needs to start then, so that she could’ve stopped the bad habits present now in their tracks. If I could talk to her right now it would go a little like this:
Dear Haley,
Your instagram is not going to look like a famous model. It won’t look like that “popular” girl’s either. Make it real, make it you. YOUR LIKES DO NOT DETERMINE YOUR BEAUTY. You will not miss the biggest thing in the world if you do not check your phone right as you wake up, or right before you go to bed. Put the phone down every once and a while and actually look at what’s in front of you. You don’t have to delete everything, just find a postive way to use them. Make them add value to your life, rather than cause stress.
Just chill.
Love, your older (and somewhat wiser) self.
