Finding Self in Selfie: Social Media Exposed
280 characters.
That’s all I had to tell the world who I was, what I was feeling, why I mattered. There I sat there, crouched over my screen, patiently waiting for my Twitter profile to activate. I couldn’t stop myself from feeling as though I was back in ’09 trying to help my dad sell our old couch on eBay. The only difference was that this time I wasn’t on eBay and I wasn’t selling my old couch, I was on social media and I was selling myself.
The antsy feelings that once swarmed my mind grew silent as the app opened before me. I entered a brand new virtual world where instant gratification was a single tap away and rejection had become so comfortably consumable. In the next few months my phone screen filled, bright-colored blocks flickering before me. Time and time again I found myself giving in to the temptation. Spending countless hours manipulating the medium, reinventing myself, my looks, my life…Everything that once rung true to me, to my identity.
It was fantastic. By choosing to step into the shoes of Harry Potter, social media instantaneously became my magic cloak. My confidence beamed through the screen as I put on the most deceiving facade. Needless to say, I wasn’t the care-free, coffee-sipping, veggie-eating world-traveller I so desperately wanted to become. Yet, why did any of that matter?
No one would know, right?
Wrong.
The contrived perfection I had used to get other people’s attention could never translate into the real-world. I had been so caught up living in a 2D reality, that I couldn’t accept that it was really no reality at all. So why couldn’t I stop? Why did I dread the thought of tapping out of Twitter? Or Tinder? Or Bumble, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Pinterest, Youtube, VSCO?
The truth is, I held the door wide open for myself as I knowingly walked into a world of never-ending gamified social acceptance. And now I couldn’t get out. Social media told me that attention was to be the new currency and I wanted it so bad. So bad that I willingly reduced myself to a product, my photos became my advertisements and my captions became my slogans. I had to show people I was worth a second glance, a second like or at least a follow. I craved their approval and depended on their validation for my own satisfaction. But I wasn’t alone. 62% of adults in the world said their self-esteem depended on social-media feedback. 62% of adults made themselves readily available commodities and my news feed had neatly arranged them on a store shelf for me to see. For me to judge. For me to like, or un-like, or comment, or share, or mock? Or send to others to mock? Wait…
Had social media moved me out of my role as harmless victim and into the role of salacious sexual objectifier?
I couldn’t help but feel as though all these years I had been blindly helping lead society down a rocky plank into social media’s devouring sea. And suddenly I had fallen in, drowned by the consequences. The reality was that social media was home to more than just a plethora of familiar-faces, fictitious fantasies, and “favourited” photos. It had done more than just change our understanding of value…
Social media had created its very own community. And just like every other community it was built on the foundation of accepted norms, expected behaviours and a prominent social hierarchy.
In order to meet my followers’ expectations, I’d spend countless hours buying the right clothing, visiting the right places (with the right lighting of course), and taking the right photos. These apps had done more than just cloud my mental space, they had shaped my actions. The more time I spent using social media, the more I realized how destructive it had become. I missed the days before filters and “flattering angles”, when I could post a photo of my neighbours cat without begging the entire neighbourhood to see. Now, it was as if social media was my autobiography and every post was a new page. I had to be careful with what I’d publish with the fear someone might put down my book. So, here I find myself now. Still trying to paint a perfect story: I’m vain yet seem humble, an overworked social butterfly but if you’re worth the time, I suddenly have it, and I’m “open” yet still mysterious enough for you to want to follow and see more. The irony behind it all is that these products were made to simplify our lives, yet they’ve become nothing less than exhausting.
It’s quite frustrating to think that social media has forced change upon me; my understanding of self, my relationships and even strangers around me. I honestly can’t believe that my desperation for another person’s appreciation has translated into such severe vulnerability. That I’d rather hide behind a faux profile than showcase my true self. As social media becomes an ever-growing part of our lives, I think it’s time we take a stance against it because the choice between being yourself and being accepted isn’t one that anyone should have to make.
As difficult as it was, I eventually disabled my accounts and took some time to disconnect from my followers and reconnect with myself. In that moment, I strangely felt as though I lost some purpose. As if my followers had become my fans and without them my actions were pointless. Whether we realize it or not, the people behind these technologies are doing more than just programming them, they’re programming us.
But the truth is, it doesn’t have to be that way.
We are the authors of our own future. We decide what we want to write, when we want to flip our page or if we want to even write a book at all.
Social media gives us the power. Now, it’s time we grasp it.
Social media makes us active citizens. Instead of just voicing our opinions, let’s scream them through our phone. Twitter is the medium and we have the message.
Social media makes us content creators. Let’s stop just posting our art, let’s project it… For thousands to see. Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Snapchat are the platforms but we have the product. WE have the opportunity to do more than just share our work… We have the opportunity to showcase our talents, to make our mark, to show the world that we don’t let social media define us… We define it. We’ve made it our market and we have every right to exploit it.
And if these apps give us gamified social structures then we’ll make them our playground. We won’t follow the rules, we’ll be honest and expressive. We’ll fight the norm and find ourselves… Our true selves… Our true personalities, our true tastes, our true image… Our true identity.
