I AM ONLY COOL ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Before dropping a “fire” Instagram post, I usually send it to about three of my friends asking for their opinions and asking questions like, “will bae (a.k.a- my crush) like it?” or “is it 200 likes worthy?”. Once I release the “fire” Instagram post, I send a mass text to the same three people with the phrase, “comment, like and subscribe *fire emoji* *fire emoji*”.
Before releasing the image, I find myself stuck in this time warp, where I spend hours attempting to find and post the most extravagant picture that captures me at my absolute best. These pictures consist of me throwing back pretty cocktails in different parts of the world, or taking pictures of the most “LIT” nights with my squad. You sure as hell will never find me posting something that remotely shows any sort of pain, sadness or mundaneness. It’s almost as if I am trying to create this life I have always wanted others to see me live, but truly don’t. I capture the best moment out of my 24 hour day, from the 7 days of the week and of the 365 days of the year. Sure enough, that one moment isn’t even close to what I experience on a daily basis, nor does it genuinely reflect how I feel. It doesn’t show the rawness, the reality and the sadness that I sometimes face. It does not illustrate the hardships or hurdles that I often experience.
I oddly become consumed by the image, and all I could think about is -what will happen when it’s out into the world? What numerical value will the post will be given? How will others judge me when they see my post? I always have these pre-post nerves, as if I’m about to write a test or an exam. The Eminem lyric accurately describes it, “palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy”. Once the picture is out, I have this compulsive urge to constantly refresh my feed to see how many likes I have received. When I start looking at the minutes-to-likes-ratio (totally made that up, let me know if it’s a real thing), that’s when the doubt begins to kick in. I find myself returning to my ridiculously named grouped chats, and begin asking questions like, “are you all sure it’s a good post?”, “should I take it down?”. Once the likes start accumulating, and the double digits turn into triple digits, that is when the feeling of nervousness and panic slowly begins to subside.
Now this entire reflection has got me thinking, do I feel nervous by something that isn’t even real-life? Do I associate myself worth with artificial numbers on an equally artificial reality? Do I find myself-worth based on measurements and in comparison to the measurements of others? Why do I wish to portray my life on social media in a way that it truly isn’t? What is the route cause of this? Why do I fear showing the hard-times, the times of pain, the times of discomfort and the times of being unconfident?
Because if you meet me in real life, you’ll come to know that my life feels like a mess, I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t travel as much I’d like you to think, I’m constantly anxious and I definitely don’t “turn up”.
To answer my own questions I feel like I personally associate myself-worth with the metrics that I see on social media, whether that being the followers count, the following count and the likes that I receive. I don’t understand why I care so much? The number strangely impacts me on a personal level, it makes me feel as though there is more value based on something that has more likes. My mind perceives it logically but my heart definitely doesn’t- I find that I always try explaining to myself a coherent and well thought out reason.
You know it makes sense (kind of)- the more likes something has, the better it is, right? This applies to so many elements of our lives, even outside of social media. For example, if multiple individuals tell you to watch a certain movie because they like it, then it may actually have the potential of being good. If considering the New York Times best selling novel, it must be good if such a mass number of people are reading it. Now taking this logic and applying it back to social media it makes you question- if something has more likes then the content must be good, right? There must be a reason as to why a post has so many individuals double tapping their screens- it’s because there is quality in what is being posted. The thing with social media is the social element of it- of course as humans we want to be liked by those around us and we want to fit in, and we will do what is necessary to achieve that. Therefore, if regarding social media in the same way, we will do what is necessary to see the physical ‘likes’ increase. I find that we associate those ‘likes’ with the emotions and feelings that others may have towards us.
Now of course, certain things get more likes than others, and it just happens to be that the those posts show a more happier, adventurous, and unrealistic lifestyle (most of the time)- whether that being looking a certain way, or capturing certain moments. I think individuals notice the patterns and thus they adapt their posting habits to it. We realize that maybe standing beside the Ferrari would get more likes than standing beside the Honda. Maybe posing on the beach would fair better than taking a selfie at the library. However, many of these moments that we capture aren’t realistic, they aren’t who we are or how we behave. Instead these posts are this persona we put of ourselves online because we know that they will be liked from what we have already seen.
That’s where the issue comes in- we see such unrealistic lives portrayed on social media and as we are constantly exposed to them, we deem them to be true. It is interesting how there are new tools out there to aid in our falsity. For example, the famous ‘face-tune’ app, that allows individuals to smooth out their faces and their bodies so effortlessly, that you can’t even determine what’s real and what is edited. Then you think to yourself, why is this? Is it for the likes?
When it’s 1am, and we’re creeping on our phone screens, we feel as though our lives may not be as interesting as those around us. We compare our numbers/metrics to those of our friends, or our acquaintances (The Atlantic, 2012). As we may see that others have more than we do, we began doubting ourselves and how our relationships are with others (The Atlantic, 2012). To a certain extent, we may begin feeling lonely (The Atlantic, 2012). We may even begin feeling as though we are not “good” enough, “pretty” enough, “popular” enough or “creative” enough. We feel as though our lives are not as fulfilling. I can’t even deny that I sulk a little when I see 19 year old models posting pictures of swimming in the perfect blue waters of Bali, as I am swimming in my tears and class notes.
I personally find that my sense of self has been morphed over time. No matter how many times I critically reflect on social media, and analyze it and assess my behaviour, I can’t help feeling the way I do. I can’t help wanting to gain followers or wanting my posts to be liked. I don’t necessarily think it is bad thing, but it can become harmful once it impacts your mental health.
I believe that sometimes we need to get back in touch with ourselves and rediscover what we find to be truly important in the real, physical world. Sometimes, we need a break. I like to think of it in this way, just as our phones need to be recharged because Snapchat and Instagram drain their battery, then so do we as human beings. Perhaps this could be through periodically just turning our phones off for a few hours and indulging ourselves in hobbies that don’t require it. This could be through hanging out with friends, running, painting, reading (a physical book), dancing, working out, exploring, or doing whatever it is that you’re interested in.
If you have the ability to deactivate certain socials for a week or two, try that! I find that you may be surprised with the extra time you have, which can either make you more productive or allow you to do something new. I often find myself checking Instagram as soon as I wake up and before I sleep, I am quite sure that changing that, would open a lot more time for me to do something else.
Another method of taking a break might even be by not giving into the initial urge of instagramming, snapchatting, or tweeting something that you are experiencing. Sometimes we get caught up in the instant urge of snapchatting the “LIT” party we are at, or instagramming the beautiful view from our hotel room on vacation, that we don’t really live or feel the experience. We don’t take the time to enjoy it for ourselves, as we have this panic of sharing it with everyone else. It’s those few seconds when you first see something, that you are truly experiencing it. However, that can be dismissed if all you’re doing is looking at it through the lens of your phone. That being said, I am not saying not to share it but to instead to take a few moments for yourself to enjoy what is in front of you.
Other forms of breaks can even be online themselves. For example, you may want to unfollow, remove or block someone or something that just isn’t making you happy. For instance, if you feel as though pictures of people you no longer are friends with make you feel irritated, unfollow and unfriend them. Try making your social spaces more inspiring for yourself, it should be a place that you find happiness and positive energy.
Social media is a tool, and the metrics placed upon it don’t necessarily have to have a negative impact upon us if we don’t let them. It depends on how we use the tool. We as the users are responsible for making changes that we believe are necessary. We have the ability to give meaning to things, as well as change the meaning of things.
We have to ignite the change we wish to see.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/05/is-facebook-making-us-lonely/308930/
