10 Lessons I Learnt In The First Decade Of My Writer Life.
It was excruciatingly painful, and also the BEST ten years of my life.
Upcoming episode on Becoming A Writer podcast this Saturday — we are going to talk about how having faith can move your writing mountains.
I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I’m afraid of.
— Joss Whedon
On 25th May, I turned ten years old as a writer.
We all have moments in our lives that we remember clearly and precisely, no matter how far they are from our current day. We can very easily relive the moment we knew we had fallen in love, or when we got our first prize, or when we first laid our eyes on our baby — human or fur.
25th May of 2014 was that day for me.
It was a Sunday, and I was deep into reading Agatha Christie’s Curtain. During this phase of my life, I was also in depression’s chokehold, and reading novels was making sure I was breathing enough to make it through the mess.
Do you know the feeling when you are so invested in the book you are reading that nothing else matters? I mean, NOTHING. Not eating, not sleeping, not bathing, not working or studying. I was like that on that particular Sunday. I woke up, had my breakfast, and then went into my room to read. Then my mum had to come and force me out to have lunch (I have no idea where the time flew), and then I was back again to reading.
At around 4, I flipped the cover close and let it drop to my side. I lay there, staring at my bedroom ceiling, crying tears of sadness and joy. Tears of sadness because such a wonderful book and series came to its conclusion. And tears of joy because I was blessed with the privileged to meet and experience life through Agatha Christie’s detective protagonist, Hercule Poirot.
I was lost in reliving the seven years I had spent with Hercule Poirot when a voice inside me said, “Wouldn’t it be amazing if I could make others feel the same way Agatha made me feel through her stories? Yes, I will become a writer.”
Fireworks started blowing up in my head and heart. A 19-year-old girl who was hopeless and on the verge of giving up on life found a spark, a light at the end of the tunnel. Since then, my life has been all about becoming a writer and spreading joy and hope.
Ten years on, I still walk this path — and will continue to do so, no matter what.
These ten years feel like a Thanos snap — the time between that day and today feels like moments long. But at the same time, each year in this past decade felt ten years long.
These ten years were excruciatingly painful.
Undoing myself of who I thought I was, peeling my skin away agonisingly slowly so that new skin of who I actually am could grow. Mental breakdowns, panic attacks, heartbreaks, losing four loved ones one after another within five years, a freaking global pandemic that put every one of us on house arrest, meeting my unhealed inner child, starting the process of healing, learning who I really am.
Though on the surface, these don’t look connected to being a writer, they happened because I went on the writing path.
Yet, they were also the BEST ten years of my life.
Never in my 19 years of life until the day of 25th May 2014 had I had a clear image of who I really was and why I was the way I am. This was also the first time in my life I had a purpose, a goal and a desire to achieve it. It wasn’t something that my family, school, or society influenced me to do; I CHOSE this path. And the person I have become on the journey of becoming a writer still makes me want to pinch myself. It was definitely a painful process but I know myself now so much better than I have ever in my life.
I would have still been stuck in the Matrix if I hadn’t taken the red pill and let myself get unplugged from it.
Today, I want to share ten lessons I have learnt in these ten years of my writing life.
Lesson 1 — A Writer’s Life Is Not For Everybody.
While one can learn how to become a writer, a writer’s life is not for everybody. Out of all the creative careers one can pursue, being a writer is the least appreciated. The hard work a writer goes through — mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially — will never be understood by others.
The recent writers’ strike in Hollywood is the perfect example of this. The shows and movies that Hollywood makes millions and billions out of happen because someone or a group of writers came together to give birth to characters and plots that will be cherished by many. And yet, they are least compensated — not only financially but emotionally as well.
Your test as a writer will be to continue sticking to your writing dream because you love it and figure out how to make it work without losing your love and hope.
Lesson 2 — Human You Plays A Crucial Role In Writer You.
I don’t know why we do this, but we tend to think that the person we are in our personal lives is different from and has no influence on our professional lives, and vice versa.
A friend of mine working in a traditional job didn’t realise until after five years of working at their toxic job that it was affecting their mood and contribution to their home. Even I thought, when I started as a writer, that the writer part of me is a separate entity — an alter ego, if you will — that is not affected by whatever has happened to me in my life so far. I was so wrong!
The healthier you are as a human, the healthier you will be as a writer. The more hurt you are as a human, the more hurt you will be as a writer. The happier you are as a human, the happier you will be as a writer. The more healed you are as a human, the more healed you will be as a writer.
The more I am starting to accept myself and heal myself just as I am, the more I am becoming freer to embrace and express my writer side.
Lesson 3 — It’s Not About The Writing. It’s About Becoming The Writer.
When I started out as a writer, I read every writing book I could find. I watched every video, read every blog post, and read every article — I was open to anything that could teach me how to write my novel.
It took me a few years to realise that before I learnt the techniques of writing a novel, I needed to learn how to become a writer. All the how-tos, step-by-step frameworks, and writing guides are of no use if I don’t know who I am as a writer and what my process looks like. If I don’t identify as a writer, I will always feel like an imposter. Once you figure out the who, the what and how is a piece of cake.
It’s not about writing that novel. It’s about becoming the writer who keeps writing novels.
Lesson 4 — Being Self-Employed Is Not As Fun Or Rewarding As It Seems.
I was on a weekly call with my said friend last weekend, and I was explaining to them how stressed and overwhelmed I am managing my writer business all by myself, that too in this sultry Indian heat. I was complaining that I don’t get (read: give myself) breaks and that I can’t financially afford a vacation, no matter how mini. And then they said to me, which was a question framed in a sentence form, “But you have weekends off…”
No, I don’t have weekends off. I don’t know what day it is. Nor even which month because I work on my essays and podcast episodes at least 1.5–2 months in advance. And in September, I’ll start working on my 2025 projects.
Why do I do this? As a self-employed writer, I have to wear multiple hats in the business. And most of the time, you won’t have anyone to tell you you did a good job, and you won’t get paid.
These days, a traditional job is, let’s say, 9-to-5 or 9-to-9. A job as a self-employed writer is 24x7. In a traditional job, you can take a day off or a long weekend break, and the company will not go bankrupt. In a self-employed job, if you are not working that day, no work is getting done.
Does this mean that you should work 24x7? No. Make sure you have time for yourself, your family and other responsibilities, your craft as a writer and your work as a writer business. And it’s a balance that is extremely hard to maintain.
Lesson 5 — Be Careful Who You Take Advice From.
Over the last ten years of self-help and personal development for human me and writer me, I have formed a rule: Only take advice from someone who has spent ten years doing what they are saying.
Let me tell you how I came to this rule.
In 2015–2016, I found a fellow writer who was the same age as me and a couple of writer years ahead of me, sharing what they were learning about how to write a novel. What they shared about character sketches and plot structure and all that jazz made sense to me, but what struck a cord for me was how approachable they were. I would share my writerly doubts and concern and they would graciously and encouragingly reply. All was good until one day, they shared a list of book recommendations for writers. I read one of the books listed and informed the person what the book was helping me understand. To which this person replied, “That’s great! I haven’t read the book yet, but if it’s helping you, that’s amazing.”
I am sure if you had seen me read that email reply, you’d have seen the confusion on my face. How could this person recommend a book and write a good number of paragraphs explaining how good it is if they haven’t read the book?
I still follow this person, and in the past few years, I have seen them get lost in oblivion.
Now, I am not saying that you shouldn’t share your knowledge with others or interact with someone else’s knowledge and wisdom. What I am saying is to take it with a pinch, even a teaspoon, of salt, including what I am sharing. Check if what someone is saying is actually coming from experience or knowledge or is just regurgitating what’s already on the internet in new packaging.
Now more than ever, people know what to say to hook you in. They know which click-bait title will work and which words will trigger you into action. They will share their work with you as if they are your best friend and know what’s best for you.
You are who knows what’s best for you. Yes, you can expand your knowledge but be careful of which source you are getting it from.
Lesson 6 — Just Start Writing.
There is no way around it. If you want to become a writer, if you want to learn how to write, if you’re going to finish that novel of yours — you have to write.
You don’t need another writing course, you don’t need to wait for inspiration, and you will never find enough time to dedicate yourself to your writing.
Just start writing, or you’ll never write.
Lesson 7 — Experiment To Find Your Voice And Confidence.
One of the perks of being in a creative field like writing is that with every new project, you get to do something new. Use that to your advantage.
Want to be a novelist? — try poems. Are you a poet? — try short stories. Do you believe non-fiction are the books worth reading? — try reading some novels.
As a schoolgirl, I hated essays. Now, writing essays comes to me as easily as singing Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Don’t be strict with yourself as a writer and your writing craft. Experimenting with your writing will help you find yourself as a writer therefore forming your writer voice and confidence.
Lesson 8 — Write For Your Love Of Writing, Not What’s Trending.
If writing what’s trending (in other words, what people are reading at the moment that is going viral) sits well with you, then go for it. No problem. But if you want to write something different or have a different point of view on a topic, go for that. You don’t want to deform yourself into writing something that you don’t love or don’t believe in. Don’t try to fit in a box to please someone; impress them with your words instead.
Write what you love and in a way that you want. Over time, you will find your sweet spot, and so will your readers.
Lesson 9 — Find Your Writing Process.
Give yourself the time and space to find how you function as a writer. Initially you will start your writing journey imitating others, and that’s okay. Over time, you’ll learn which of the pieces of other writers’ process fits your personality, and that will inevitably give birth to your process. Just stay away from thinking there’s only one particular way of being a writer. There isn’t. Find what works for you and slowly shift your lifestyle in favour of that process.
Lesson 10 — Have Mad, Unconditional, Delusional Faith In Yourself Because You Have What It Takes.
There were many times when I almost gave up on my dream of being a writer. (I had an episode in April of this year.) And whenever I think of leaving it all and stepping back into the Matrix, I flinch. The lessons and life I have lived these past ten years have taught me that I can’t go back to the life I had before.
Writing is what I am supposed to do. Writer is who I am. And no matter the setbacks and detours and heartaches I feel on this path — physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially — I am still going to stick to this path.
Why? — Because I believe that when we are given a dream, we are also given the means to accomplish it. We have what it takes. And we will make our dreams come true. We will have that published book in our hands. We will live the writer life we dream of. There is no other way. Most of the time, we’ll be the only ones cheering ourselves. And that’s why we need to have a mad level of faith in ourselves and our dreams. No one’s going to achieve our dreams for us; we have to do it on our own.
