Today is a Happy Day 😀
In my attempt to be a happier person (my birthday resolution), I woke up with a clear conclusionー today is going to be a happy day, no matter what. You see, the last few days hadn’t been so. My forceful bids at writing had been sort of unsuccessful which left me a little cheerless. In other words, I had been bleakly staring at my screen, getting cranky and teary-eyed at every hard question that came my way and finding refuge in the boundless world of social media and Youtube. Happiness was conditionalー I’d allow myself to be happy when I achieve x or do y. So today, I decided to flip things and be thoroughly happy.
The day started with an exhausting workout and some hearty breakfast after that. Early morning happiness: check. With no will to write, I was sniffing for something that is on the edge of writing but still not dragging me into the pit of self-doubt. Social media had been politely suggesting me to take an online course for many days. So I whimsically get an annual subscription for Skillshare. Mid-day happiness: check.
I contentedly watch course videos, read short stories written by the instructor and steadily climb the happiness ladder. Until Kunal asks me why I chose Skillshare over Masterclass. Hard question. I get defensive and retort that I’ll also get Masterclass when I am in the mood, it’s not as if I lack money. And that triggers some random realisations, hefty tears and violent snorts. A sharp dip in an otherwise delightful day. I fret about the money spent, wail over my habit of taking instinctive decisions and meekly substantiate my arguments with the reviews of recommended courses on Skillshare.
A few minutes of box breathing calm me down. Kunal with his kindest intentions holds my hand reassuringly and then proceeds to fan the flames of my guilt with his ear-numbing worn-out second-hand wisdom that time is precious, one must invest it wisely, choose what to spend it on carefully. My exhausted brain cells absorb the advice ー think before you act. We conclude that I’ll get Masterclass if I feel like it, it’s not like I lack money to spend. I smile. Happiness is back up again, because why not? Today is a happy day!
Warm lunch and a few more instructional videos keep the optimism going until I check my email. Rejection after a good interview that I had had last week. Though I did not want the job, I was emotionally banking on it to give me some self-affirmation. The bitter tears and loud sobs fill the room again. I read through the feedback in the email a few more times. It tells me that they did see the good in me but just wanted someone more experienced. It wasn’t so bad. I wipe my tears and remind myself that today is a happy day no matter what. I sit up and write about it because all this happiness needs to be documented, doesn’t it?
