The value of values

I recently lost a project I was really excited about with a leader I really wanted to work with. I lost it not because they didn’t like our thinking. Not because we weren’t a good fit. Not because of price. I lost it because there was one aspect of how the work had to be done that went against my values, and I stood firm on my values.

The values issue was nothing dramatic. I still deeply admire this leader and would jump at the chance for a future collaboration. In fact, the two of us — as individuals — are very much in sync when it comes to values. It wasn’t about judging them or thinking poorly of them. But the way they needed this particular project done just didn’t match what I stand for.

So now I’m sitting here. Me and my values. And I’m musing about what it means to live a values-based life — and how painful that can be sometimes.

Here’s the thing: Feelings and values are two different domains. Sure, sometimes it feels good to make a values-based choice.

But values are not about feeling good. Values are about being good.

If living your values never makes you uncomfortable, never causes you pain, never leads to a loss, then I would argue your value aren’t really values; they’re merely what makes you feel good disguised as values.

The price of having values can be quite high.

The price of not having values is incalculable.

I would really have enjoyed this work. And until I figure out how to get paid for just sitting, I need to win projects to pay the bills. I also recognize that many people do not have the luxury of choosing their values when they conflict with putting food on the table. (May we soon live in a time when that is not the case!)

But I feel grateful for the reminder that it’s the sacrifices we make for our values that make us who we are.