SAFE SPACE
Ever been in a situation where you just can’t quite explain what you are feeling? Have you ever been afraid of yourself, your mind, your emotions, your actions, and their consequences regretting breakdowns feeling overwhelmed and lost; angry at your weakness and desperation? Ever tried understanding why your friend slowly detaches themselves from you from time to time? Ever wondered what more you could do for those closest to you that are hurting? Alone in the world, fearing that they have no one to turn to and no one to trust? Well, I write this to you.
Vulnerable, a word that I have struggled with for the greater part of my teenage years and adulthood. For as long as I can remember, I was always expected to “be a man”. I was always asked to fight with a smile on my face cause there was always someone out there who had it rougher than I did. I was constantly reminded that the struggle I faced was because of my sin and as a result, I should wait for the “Brighter Days”.
I became a master of being there for everyone else other than myself. I learned how to direct conversations away from myself to enable me to only say what I wanted my friends to know. The ugly parts of me, I stored deep within for fear that none would be able to handle it. As time passed, I had to learn the hard way that I am only as strong as the people around me and that closure comes when problems are shared. I had to accept to be vulnerable to various individuals. If I have learned anything in the past two weeks, it’s that I must be vulnerable to those who say they love me. If not for myself, then for closure’s sake.
We have grown up with the world expecting the most from us. Our society and families demanding success all at the same time, the lofty standards the society has placed in the name of having a “social life” as individuals live on the fast lane. Where the number of likes and retweets carries the day. So consumed in achieving success in every aspect of our lives that we are left emotionally and physically exhausted. When will it ever be enough?
As we continue with the hustle and bustle of our daily activities, we fail to pay attention to the people around us who are struggling with insurmountable demons within. We then spend hours and days wondering why they chose to do what they did instead of seeking our help. When will we realize that we need to slow down and pay more attention to the individuals in our lives before we lose them?
Trauma wretched minds that are unable to heal. Pain and loss that has been bottled up and stored within. Tears that have not yet been shed. Anger that has not been dealt with. Hearts that know no warmth just resentment. Heartbreaks that have not received closure. It is a miracle that we have been able to live and fight on with a smile when plagued by all these predicaments. People are aching and for most, there is no release. They end up being afraid of their thoughts for what they see is just a never-ending stream of nightmares. Afraid to journey to specific areas, afraid of twilight, afraid to love, afraid to react in response to their emotions. They remain in perpetual fear of life and living. They are breaking but before they crash and burn, we need to guide them towards the light.
Crashing and burning occur when the individual has been unable to deal. People don’t drink alcohol because it’s sweet. People don’t indulge in drugs because of its benefits to the human anatomy. People don’t avoid others cause they desperately need to be alone. The drinking isn’t the problem it’s the bandage trying to keep them together. It’s the last ditched effort they have to stay sane and living. A person broken inside does the best to mend themselves with intoxicants. They become addicted cause they want to prolong the high. They want to prolong the “feel good” feeling. They want to be around people who do not see them as damaged goods. They do so to keep up with appearances. They do so as a form of release.
At times I envy women cause of their ability to deal with emotions. Check up on your male friends. They may be hurting deep within and unable to talk about it. How much do you know about your male best friend? How much do you know about your boyfriend? Do you create an environment conducive for them to open up or do you keep on talking about your drama? Is he doing well at home or is he struggling? Do you even care about where he gets the money to take you out? Do you take him for treats, push him to have an emotional discussion with you, or are you just a leech? Can he feel your love or are you the only one on the receiving end of love? How toxic are you?
Can your friends turn to you for release? Are you a safe space? Or do you only look at their faults i.e. They drink too much, they don’t go to church, they dress in a certain way? Figure out the root cause of the pain. Don’t be clouded by a false sense of righteousness that you fail to see a person hurting. Do not get caught up with perfecting the imperfections of others that you fail to see the cry for help. Do not be consumed with yourself that you fail to notice a friend’s life slipping away. I did that and trust me, it hurts like hell when you are hit by the finality of death.
We need healing but for that, we need to be vulnerable irrespective of societal expectations. Even though society expects you to be strong, man up, show little emotion, and even though all you see is darkness, try and explain the darkness to those you love. They may not understand. They may not listen but try it either way. I know it hurts. I know you are scared. I know that there is little I can do to ease the pain and suffering. However, I would rather listen to you, be there for you, show you that you belong and that you are important and loved while we meet for brunch than have to do so while your body floats slowly six feet under.
RIP PM15
