How Independent Focus Can Help You Achieve Confidence
Why I chose to run my first marathon alone
On a cold, dark October morning in 2018, I sat alone in Grand Central Station surrounded by a few other lonesome travelers. I waited patiently for the Metro-North Train to board and take me up the Hudson. The feeling of both excitement and nervousness built with every minute that passed. I was excited that all my training had culminated in this moment, and nervous about the new adventure I was about to embark on. The nerves were building in my stomach, however, I had never felt more confident in myself to complete what I physically and mentally set out to achieve. The doors opened, and I hopped aboard the train to Yonkers to run my first marathon.
The Realization of a Solo Journey
In late 2015, I set a five-year goal of running a marathon. At the time I made this goal, I was nearly 300 pounds. Standing at a height of five-foot-nine, I was technically obese and had a lot of work to do to prepare. The longest I had ever run in my life was 5 miles as a freshman in high school, nearly 14 years and many pounds ago. I knew I had to create healthy habits, break bad ones, and develop the discipline to get in shape. Thus began a 120-pound weight-loss journey.
Throughout this journey, there were many success stories, but one of the greatest lessons I learned came after my training partner suffered a hip injury in January 2018. At this point, I was now down nearly 100 pounds, and I had signed up for the marathon, giving myself ten months to train. My training partner, who happened to be my father, was suffering from extreme joint pain due to arthritis just before the start of the racing season. Every step he took exacerbated the pain. So, unfortunately, my father had to step away from training.
With my partner now limited and my marathon registration submitted, I was staring down a training plan like nothing I’ve experienced before. I spent many days and nights developing the workouts I was now going to tackle alone. For the previous two years while we were training, we were motivated by each other to keep pushing when fatigue set in or when our minds were persuading us to quit. At 300 pounds, this was extremely helpful and the boost of confidence I needed to develop the discipline I have now.
As my training began, I knew it was going to challenge and test me, both physically and mentally. Not only was this workout plan one of the most intense training routines I’ve gone through, it was also built around an even more rigorous schedule of working as an electrical engineer preparing for the Professional Engineer licensing exam. Nevertheless, I had my goal, my plan, and my purpose.
Building a Base of Self-Confidence
In the past, I lifted weights and ran some shorter distance runs by myself, so I wasn’t a stranger to a solo workout. However, embarking on a 10-month training schedule knowing nearly all the workouts would be just me and my thoughts, was a daunting feeling. The endurance workouts, the distance runs, hours on the trails, early mornings in the gym, and nights on running paths were all waiting patiently.
As the weeks went by, the days got longer, the heat rose, and the humidity was unrelenting. The workouts grew more intense, and muscle fatigue and heart rate peaked with the summer sun. This was the most demanding portion of the training schedule. The longing to skip workouts peaked with the midday temperatures. Motivation was dwindling and inspiration was waning, but I kept pushing forward, crossing off each day on the plan. It was challenging.
Then, deep into an eighteen-mile-long trail run one morning, I recognized a change in my mindset. It was on a semi-technical, quarter-mile hill which usually reduces my run to a hike, when I realized I was in an all-out-sprint at mile 15. Immediately, I became aware of the dialogue in my mind — an inner monologue that I had slowly developed over time without my knowing. It wasn’t the old self-talk of “conserve energy, you’re tired.” No, it was a positive mantra repeating “You’ve already got this, the energy is there, you have more energy, keep going!”
It was at that moment when I realized I had developed a habit; a habit of pushing myself harder, both mentally and physically. I developed an inner voice to help me keep the momentum and to go a tad bit further today than I did yesterday. This was a turning point for my inner strength and discipline to persist. This is where I learned that when motivation ceases to exist, there’s only you and the habits you’ve developed to get you where you want to go.
The mindset I developed through focusing on my independent goals would have been difficult to achieve if I relied on someone else to provide the constant motivation and encouragement to push me further. Developing this personal strength to not give up and not be a quitter without outside encouragement gave me extreme confidence in myself. It provided me with the tools necessary to perform, and to achieve the goals I set for myself without the need for outside motivation or a third-party emotional crutch.
Run Your Own Race
Marathon Day 2018
As I approached the Yonkers train station, I could spot the starting line in the misty, autumn darkness. Spectators piled into a nearby building to escape the wind and early morning chill. Porta-potties lined the streets and runners dodged each other as they crossed paths during their pre-race ritual. While I engaged in my own warm-up routine, I quietly prepared my mind. I was a few hours away from achieving the goal I set nearly three years and 100-plus pounds ago.
Running through the streets of Yonkers, I was in my own world. My mind was clear and focused on the task. When I approached the infamous rolling hills of Yonkers, I dug deep into my brain for my support team to keep me aligned. At this milestone of my journey, I knew in my mind and heart who had supported me through everything. Having trained by myself for months, I was able to envision my supporters the entire way. I didn’t need them to be physically there pushing me; they were mentally running the race with me.
I approached the finish line in just over four hours. There were hardly any bystanders, and I couldn't care less. I crossed the finish line and I was elated! My smile stretched for days. I savored that moment I worked arduously for.
Although I was physically alone, I had the confidence in myself and built a mindset that could summon the support when necessary to keep moving forward. Our minds are much stronger than we give them credit for. Controlling the emotions that cause us to become overwhelmed, anxious, or frustrated is achievable. You don’t have to quit when it gets hard, and you don’t have to cheat when it’s difficult. Spend time on constructing habits to build confidence within yourself. You truly can do anything!
When you step outside of your comfort zone, growth happens. You learn to overcome the obstacles and pitfalls on route to your goals. It will take time and effort, but as you focus on yourself and instill the knowledge that you can achieve what you desire, the day will come when you cross that finish line!
