How Running Saved Me From PTSD
The year was 2015 and my family was in Colorado for my cousin's wedding. I was 19 years old, naive, and had never really experienced a “hardship” outside of non-severe depression in middle school when I was the new kid and had no friends. My brother, dad, and I decided to rent mopeds and take a ride through a little mountain town. It seemed like fun and it really was until I watched my dad crash and thought I saw him die. From that day forward I was forced to grow up. I suddenly had to deal with what a therapist would later tell me was PTSD (something I thought was exclusive to our veterans and war heroes), taking care of my dad as he healed, and watching family members choose destructive behaviors to deal with their own pain.
For a while, I tried to distract myself by working two jobs, exercising, and just never being home. But I had to help my dad get to doctor's appointments and make sure he was getting fed and any medication he needed when my mom was at work. Running simply wasn't the same because once my heart rate increased, I began feeling anxious and would end up hyperventilating on the sidewalk and crying about it. I had never experienced anxiety before and at the time, I didn't really understand why I felt the way I did. That summer was a pretty dark time and I am so blessed and grateful for friends who truly became family and supported me at that time.
When I went back to school that fall, my dad was getting back to a semi-normal life and I had school and running to distract me. But, I was still experiencing what I would later understand was PTSD and would find myself overwhelmed with anxiety and trying to get a panic attack under control in a bathroom stall on campus. After a tough first semester, I was home for Christmas break and would go to the gym with one of my best friends. We were talking about running and had done a few half marathons together, but I was 100% sure that I did not want to run a full anytime soon. I am so thankful he was able to convince me otherwise and we signed up for our first marathon later that week.
Starting that spring semester, I had a massive goal ahead of me and a new motivation to get out of bed. My friend and I went to different schools so we trained alone but held each other accountable with weekly updates. I started doing things I didn’t know I was capable of. I was running faster and farther than ever before and gaining new confidence in myself and what I was capable of. At one point, I remember waking up at 4:30 am to eat something before heading out the door at 5:30 am for a 14 to 16-mile run in freezing weather and still making it to class at 10 am. I was living in the Midwest at the time so January through April challenged me with cold and rainy weather, but I did it.
As the weather warmed up and my running fitness was better than ever, I gained the mental strength to put my pride away and seek help from a counselor at my university. I finally got the answers and help I desperately needed and began to truly heal.
The first weekend of summer break I was reunited with my best friend at the start line of our first marathon. It rained that morning and promptly heated up halfway through, but no amount of humidity was a match for the mental and physical strength I gained that year. Crossing the finish line that day I realized what a journey my family and I had gone through that past year. My relationship with running and myself had evolved and I knew from that day forward I could take on any of the challenges life would continue to throw at me.
If you or someone you love is going through a difficult time, allow yourself to receive help, and challenge yourself to do something new. If I didn’t have running or a friend who convinced me to step outside my comfort zone and run my first marathon I really don't know what path I would have chosen to heal. I am sure many of you reading this have dealt with an experience that shook your world and changed you forever. I am incredibly lucky to still have my dad with me today and I know there are many people whose stories did not have that same ending. My heart is with all of you and I admire your strength! How has running helped you through the tough times we all face?
