The Rise Of A Carefree Runner
It’s an ongoing process…
After being injured for 3 months due to an achilles thing, my recovery meshed nicely with the rise of Covid. It’s hard not to appreciate this luck and I’m not sure what this quarantine would be like without exercise.
I began to worry in late January about the coming sickness and it immediately affected my running. I work from home and have learned that my normal life is apparently already a quarantine of sorts. The first time it really messed with my head was when I was out on a longer run in early February. I’d taken to holding my breath as I passed people in an effort to decrease inhaling their air. I’d even been appreciating this odd benefit of increased endurance from randomly attempting to hold my breath while running. But then one day I passed a guy who had clearly been smoking cigarettes earlier. What really weirded me out was that I could smell his breathe from a good 20–30 feet passed him.
What’s important here is that I’m talking about my mindset during the run. I’m not talking about actual risk because this is very hard to ascertain. What bothered me most about this moment, and the increasingly common moments like it, was that running had lost its relaxing benefit.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve enjoyed running. My wife will ask why, and for a long time, I couldn’t quite explain it. It’s not the feeling tired or the heat or any of the qualities that arise during a long hard run. For a while, I pointed to the moments after a race or once I was finished. I thought that perhaps it was the good feelings that come from succeeding at what I set out to accomplish. But after many years, I’ve realized that it’s similar to listening to a finely tuned engine. Many days I’m worn out or sore or maybe I just don’t feel like running. But on some days, the amazing days, running makes my body come alive. The way my legs churn and my breath propels me forward pushes me to the brink of living in that moment I’m in.
It’s exceedingly difficult to appreciate a moment while we’re in it. To recognize a moment and then to remain self-aware enough to appreciate without ruining it in the process. Running provides this removal of thought and returns a bounty of focus. The harder I push, the more easily it is to forget the world around and to simply be.
And this is what’s so hard about the current world. I have to constantly remind myself that maybe I should be more careful and look for every possible danger.
As the weeks have passed I’ve developed new trails which commonly include running down the middle of neighborhood streets or switching sidewalks to avoid people. I’ve taken a new approach and allow the people to guide me. Where before I’d be set on sticking to a pace or on completing a loop, now I run to run. It’s a new perk that I didn’t expect. If I see someone, I just turn around or go a different way. It’s become a game to find the peace. Some days I end up running extra miles in order to make it home, but the adjustment isn’t so bad. I can now regularly go running 6–8 miles without ever coming within 100 feet of another person.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no longer fast and I have no standard loop, but my peace in running has returned in a new and less strict manner. I can once again zone out and feel my feet beneath me. I can power towards a turn to escape the oncoming biker or I can putter up a hill and take a break at the top to look around and take a breath.
My point is that we adjust. The more we fight, the more we try to keep things the same, the more we hurt ourselves when change happens without our approval. I’m learning to be laid back, it’s a new experience. So without a purpose, I’ll be out there running while avoiding injury and illness. I’ll scan the horizon for people but still be calm and carefree as I take that next step and then another off into the land of happiness.
The world is good. The world is bad. We need to choose our own paths.
