I’m Scared, The Warrior Says
The warrior born and bred in wars know too well when the battle is about to happen. The warrior has a gut feeling when the storm is about to hit. Most especially, the warrior understands what is at stake when she enters the battlefield.
She does not go to war empty handed. She goes to field every single day and let the wind, the wild and the nomads hit and bruise her skin. At the end of the day, she goes home tired, hungry and exhausted. But, the experience keeps her alive. It makes her yearn for tomorrow knowing that it will be a new day to take on the challenge again and improve.
Day to day she feeds her mind with the knowledge of the mountains. She listens to the legends and the expands her thoughts with the whispers from the sky. Steadily she grows and sees how she is changing. She understands the world better and she is slowly unraveling the truth.
Time passes. As her strength grew, the tribulations came. It was as if it is fate’s response to the growing powers in the land. It tests her with skin-deep marks. Fate interferes because it does not award the word great and legend to not just anyone.
“Everyone can go to the field and watch the crows try for a kill. Some can move forward and kill the crows themselves, so then they become winners. But, very few…only the selected ones really get up after I slash them and claim that throne,” Fate exclaimed.
Fate was intelligent. It was impertinent and strong. A simple wound patch would not suffice. If the warrior needs to heal, it would take willpower to do so. She needs to put the strength of her heart on the line. This is the most vulnerable, but most powerful, weapon she has.
The problem is, Fate knows that. It knows how to attack the heart to tear it to pieces. It knows how to denounce ones identity that it succumbs to fear and doubt.
And so fear and doubt they are.
She recognizes them and started conversing. With their lengthy talks and echoes, they deliver messages of defeat. They seduce her with the allures of peace.
“How beautiful it is to be in a land so vast and rich that you will no longer have to think of hurting, suffering and pain? How would you like a place with peace,” they said.
But this illusion they speak of is a lame narrative to defeat the warrior even before she heads out to battle. If only she knew.
She started to listen.
What if they were right? Wouldn’t it be nice to lay low and live this simple life? What I am really after? Is this really for my happiness? Am I not made to live in peace? Wouldn’t I be happier and safer this way?
WHO AM I ANYWAY?
She forgot. Fear and Doubt slowly engrosses her. It felt safe. It felt as if someone was protecting her from what’s ‘outside’. Then, slowly, she is beginning to fade.
But, before she loses sight of what her reality is…before she completely disconnects with what she has known all her life, she heard a thumping from her heart.
It was a feeling.
It was a plea.
She paused. She tries to remember. At first, it felt like seeing someone else from a window. It was like watching a show. She recognizes a face so familiar she felt connected with the character. She tries to get up and reach for light, but Fear and Doubt persisted.
Don’t go back. You are safer here. You will never be hurt again.
But, for some reason, she cannot shake off this feeling of curiosity. It was her nature. She was made this way.
Who is this person? What am I watching? Why am I seeing this?
Then it hit her.
She began to realize she was losing her essence with Doubt and Fear. She saw the trick. She understood that she was played by Fate and that she was being tested. She hesitated for a bit. Fear and Doubt were strong but she pulled back.
I AM INVINCIBLE.
She realized that she was watching herself. She was the one who killed the crows, the one who slaughtered the monsters in the field, the one with the big battle scars. She was the warrior who protected the angels. The warrior is she.
From her knelt-down stature, she began rising up. Her chin was high as the sky as she reached out for her weapon. She felt the bruises, the scars and the open wounds. That moment, she also felt her strongest weapon being attacked. She knew what Fate was trying to do. So she closes her eyes and tried to fix her shredded heart.
It was humiliated, degraded, stepped on. It was betrayed and slit in pieces by the people she trusted the most. Tears came flowing in. She wondered how she came to this.
But her soul was strong. She began facing Fear and Doubt. She looked them in the eye and told them to shut down. Her piercing stares do not need words. They were cornered by their own tricks. Fear and Doubt began fearing her.Until the next moment, they were just a speckle in her way.
She has seen battles before. She knows she is in one. The warrior stood up and roared.
I AM A WARRIOR & I WILL WIN THIS WAR.
I am not vying for great or legend.
I AM GREAT. I AM A LEGEND.
So, Fate, bring the thunderstorms and let them hit me hard. Because whatever happens, nothing will change.
I AM GREAT. I AM LEGEND.
— The Warrior