Letter To My 25-Year-Old Self From My 8-Year-Old Self Vis-à-vis
Dear Future Sophie,
ON INDEPENDENCE:
I really want to grow up now. It feels like the whole world is underestimating me. I can handle myself now. I can commute alone. I can cook rice. I can wash the dishes. I tried keeping a promise to mom when I was 6 and I said that when I’m 8, I wouldn’t have to bother her for laundry because by then, I’d be big enough to help her with that chore.
Dad always scolds me, even when I’m just washing the dishes! Yes! I know how to clean the pan! Every move I make is monitored. I have to take care of the siblings and help them with their “homework.” Why should I? Nobody helped me when I was their age. Well, mom did. But, it’s not fair! Now, how do I finish my own homework while I’m helping out?!
There’s also the case of choice. There are times when I wanted to do something but I couldn’t. For example, I wanted to attend the student field trip of the class. I understand mom and dad did not have the budget for that, but I really wanted to go. Everyone else was in on it.
I wanted to be 25 because by then I’d be pretty, tall and beautiful. I would have finished school and I would have my own choices. The 25-year-old version of me would be able to go outside any buy whatever she wants. The 25-year-old version of me is not tied down to anyone. I will be independent and I will keep my head up.
By 25, I’d do my own laundry and mom’s, go to the mall and just be free.
Oh, I can’t wait to be 25!
ON LOVE:
So happy today! Just watched a Disney movie of this prince and princess. THEY WERE IN LOVE! When I grow up, I will be in love, too! I will find my prince charming and marry him.
I would wear the most beautiful white gown with a lace veil. We would get married in a garden with maze in it, just like how it was in the movies.
He would be my knight in shining armor and we’d live happily ever after.
I can’t wait to find my soulmate. In my heart, he is out there, waiting for me as well. In my dreams, he sings to me. He makes my heart skip a beat and he chooses me over the other pretty girls in the crowd. He’s the man of my dreams and the owner of my heart. I can’t wait to fall in love.
I wish I’m already 25!
ON DREAMS:
My very first life passion was to be a fast-food cashier. There’s something about the clicking and clacking of the counter. I like counting the money and giving out change. But, one day, when I was six, I dreamt of something…something I would never forget.
I always have these kinds of dreams that felt real. There was this one dream when I was in a train to Denmark with my siblings, as if we’re orphans trying to escape Count Olaf. But, this dream I’m saying was different.
In my dream, Future Sophie, I saw you!
I saw you, beautiful, tall and strong, pulling up your limousine. You were wearing a long black dress with a long black coat with your dark eyeglasses. As the car stops, you go out and approach a massive skyscraper. About 8 “Men In Black” guys approached as if they were your body guards. It felt like you were a pretty important person in the dream.
Then, you look up at the top of the building, from the high ceilings of its lobby to the extremely futuristic façade, up to its peak and you know…
You know it’s yours.
The dream ended with you going inside the majestic building enterprise. I do not particularly reply this dream in my conscious mind every day, but I remember it from time to time and wonder, “Is it true?”
Well, I guess, you’d be the one to know.
ON LIFE:
We were poor. We didn’t have what normal kids would usually have. I would always miss the class field trip because it costs mum money. Still, that did not stop me from being the best. I was top of the class again. I hope I can continue this streak until I grow up.
I just hope that I would be the kind of person who helps the needy. I’ve seen so many people, mostly relatives, who would dismiss us just because we were poor. I do not want to be like them.
When I grow up, I would reach out to more children and teach. I would help poor families get their children education. I would be their voice. I would be their armor.
When I grow up, I want my life to have purpose.
For now, I just have to ace this language exams I already memorized last week.
Dear Little Sophie,
ON INDEPENDENCE:
Do you still remember when we fought dad because he was so impertinent? We told him we don’t need to be told what to do because we’re old enough to do things on our own.
That was the moment I honestly seized independence. I grew up having this sense of freedom.
Nobody can stop me. I will do what I want. I will get what I want.
This personality propelled me to the top. I was risky. I was bold. I was invincible.
But, I also lost my way in my absolute freedom.
When my peers had their “strict parent rules” and self limiting beliefs, I had no boundaries. I tried everything I wanted, knowing that some of them may carry consequences. I did whatever made me happy and I had experienced a lot of things. Then, my world collapsed.
I was overwhelmed. I did not have structure. I was lost.
I grew older. My peers had jobs, structure, life formula. I had a 5-feet headlight in front of me. I did not know what’s next. I pushed myself too far and set the bars extremely high that I could not even grapple a sigh.
I invented a world where I’m meant to exist, but as I walk through this universe, set far away from the others, my path less traveled had become more and more of an unending garden maze.
At this point, nobody would want to tell me what to do. They do not even understand what I’m doing right now. Even if someone would try to tell me what they think I should do, I’m so far gone my soul could not accept it.
Little Sophie, I thought freedom and independence would mean happiness, but I was wrong. This is the path I chose and I will continue it until the end, but I need to tell you one thing about our most coveted independence:
Independence is the real test of your humanity. Take it! But never ever expect it to be the ultimate form of happiness.
ON LOVE:
“All is fair in love and war.”
I think I’ve fallen in love more than once. I’m quite picky with guys. Nobody could come near me; I was extremely intimidating. But, I had a knack for a particular character — strong, intelligent and tough. The Alpha.
Though my true love had appeared to be the complete opposite, I had learned that love was not like the Disney movies I watched before. There’s no Prince Charming to save you. Even if he’s there, you wouldn’t want to be saved as well. Knowing you, you know how to save yourself from hell or high water.
Love is on just about falling in love. Love is work. Love is pain. Love is confusion and strife. Attraction, on the other hand, is an illusion human fall for most of the time. It’s the physical spark between people who might not be meant for each other. Attraction betrays everything love stands for. Attraction stays on what’s seen on the outside and often dismissive of what’s on the inside.
Meanwhile, love is passion. Love is finding that one soul who understands you in this entire world. Love is something you should fight for, Little Sophie. Because whenever you lose in love, you lose something in yourself.
Heads-up though, you will lose a lot of time in Love, but always, always be brave enough to pick up the pieces again even if it wouldn’t look the same as before — for that new girl you will see in the mirror, the broken, shattered, taped-all-over one, will always be the more beautiful version of you.
ON DREAMS:
At 18, I started this journey in fulfilling that one prophetic dream, which I believe to be true, forever & always (maybe it’s something 30-year-old Sophie would know).
However, after 7 years, I’m still at nothing. I’m broke. I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed, terrified and confused. I’m so far away from that woman who just rolls out of her limousine with a couple of bodyguards accompanying her enter her massive building — so far away.
I thought if I’d risk it all, work hard enough, study and experiment, I’d be above the crowd. I’d win. That one day, I’d fully feel the satisfaction that everything I had worked on for was worth it.
But, I’m still so far, Little Sophie…so far.
It feels like I’ve failed a thousand times, been rejected by hundreds, vilified by opposition and many more. Over the years, I had learned to stay strong because a wise man once said, if you fall a thousand times, get up a thousand and one times — or at least that’s my version of it.
Nobody may ever understand our vision, what we saw, but I’m not stopping here, Little Sophie. That woman is out there in time. I just need to push through and walk this every single day of my life.
I am beaten down, shattered and tired, but I am forever hopeful & faithful.
So, hang on. I’ll get us to her…soon.
ON LIFE:
As I grew older, I learned more. As I learned more, I had yearned to give more. As ambitious as it sounds, I want to change the world.
“I want to reach out to more children and teach. I want to help poor families get their children education. I want to be their voice. I want to be their armor.”
With deeper knowledge, my eyes were opened up to so much more. Though that meant I had seen so many amazing things in life, I had also witnessed a lot of injustice.
I always felt a responsibility to be a hero; not to brag about what I have and what I am, but because I can.
There are so many people who needs help, Little Sophie. As you grow up, you’d also see so many people who can help but wouldn’t. Don’t focus on them. Focus on you. Focus on your plans and your improvement. Because just like what Orville told Wilbur when the world was negating the truth that they had invented the airplane, “We need to show it to them.”
Whatever it is that we want to do, however big the scale is of that plan, do not back down. Work on it every single day because you will get to show the world how they can help. You will show the world your heart.
Maybe not at 25, but you will.
With the “unfairness” of the world, I was always tempted to “join the Dark Side,” but I always think of you. I always thought of how you were just a simple little girl, with a big heart and dreams. And that would pull me back in. That would remind me, that even with all of my million faults, you are still there at my core. You are me.
I have nothing to give you as an advice in Life. In fact, you were the one who held me together. So, I guess, I would say:
Just be you and never ever change.
This piece was created as a part of the affiliate marketing effort of The Revoluzionne for Tony Robbins. Attend Tony Robbin’s live event “Unleash The Power Within” this coming March. [Limited seats remaining. Reserve your spot now!]
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