Advice from 5 year old me to 2 year old me

Now that I’m five years old, I’m way wise. When I was two, I didn’t know shit from a fishy cracker. If I was two all over again, I would totally dominate the game.


You have very little responsibility and you don’t have to deal with kindergarten yet, so go travel. Ride your tricycle around the block without asking. You might even score some ice cream after you get scolded for running away from home.


Don’t blindly believe adults when they tell you something is dessert. A blob of cottage cheese in a taco shell is not an ice cream cone.

Build things

Don’t spend too much time working on other people’s visions. Figure out where you want to take your own life. Be creative and make something real. Take all of Mom’s tampons out of the box and tape them together to make a log cabin and give it to Grandpa at his birthday party.


Read every day. Even if you can’t read yet. You have to learn somehow.


Do not take that corporate job yet. No one will take you seriously if you can’t reach the table and cry every time you don’t get a juice box.

Value time

Don’t waste time on people you don’t trust. That goat at the petting zoo only wants the carrot you’re holding but doesn’t respect you for who you really are. Value other people’s time. Or don’t. You’re only two, after all.

Practice failure often

If you stand in the middle of a room with your eyes covered, everyone can still see you. Including the dog. Even if you’re not wearing pants.


I don’t know what that means.

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