What it means to be family
Growing up with a single mom and an absent father really forced me to reevaluate what family actually is. For years I tried to salvage my relationship with my father, but due to his location and job instability, as well as our conflicting personalities, it just was not in the cards for us. About 7 years ago we got into a particularly painful argument in which he told me he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore and I’ve only spoken to him once since then. I did grow up close with my paternal grandparents, but after my relationship with my father firmly ended, it became too hard to interact with them. They always favored my father despite all the pain he caused me and I inevitably came to the conclusion that I could not be comfortable and happy if I had any reminder of my father in my life. Perhaps it was cruel of me to abruptly cut contact with my grandparents, but while they value family over everything, I value doing the right thing.
I understand the safety in having a group of blood relatives who you feel that you can always count on, but I think having people of your choice who are good and consistently treat you well is much more powerful than surrounding yourself with those who require endless second chances. I want people in my life who actively choose to be there. That’s not to say that biological family members can’t also be good people, but the requirements for being family should be about character rather than genetic similarities.
My immediate family (consisting of my mother, stepfather, and brother) and a small handful of extended family members have shown that it is possible to be consistently kind, generous, and loving without any ulterior motives or ill intentions. I am not ignorant to that. Too, though, I have an abundance of friends who have no reason to be as good to me (or each other) as they are, yet they selflessly display those same traits. Having a close-knit family of extremely close friends is unbelievably valuable. Here’s to you guys. I love you endlessly.
