Please just listen
Stop telling us how to feel about Trump and listen
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In the week since the election, I’ve heard a lot of this:
- “You don’t have anything to worry about.”
- “That’s just paranoid.”
- “Hysteria doesn’t help anyone.”
- “We’ve survived this presidency, we’ll get through this one, too.”
- “Wait and see, we don’t know what Trump is going to do yet.”
- “Trump deserves a chance to be president.”
There are a few problems with this.
Saying we don’t need to worry, that we’re paranoid, or that we’re hysterical ignores what’s actually happening — right now.
There’s been a spike in hate crimes since the Trump election.
Nazi graffiti has begun appearing in public spaces.
A gay man was harassed and later attacked on election night.
Muslims are being threatened.
Children were told by a teacher that their parents will be deported.
And the list keeps racking up — each time I edit this article there are new and horrifying examples to add.
People are being told: “This is our nation now” and “Go home” when this is their home.
These are not isolated incidents. Whether the hate and violence is coming directly from Trump or from those who are enabled by him, the result is the same.
And also note that after months of such incidents, he has only spoken out about this for the first time in the last few days. (Don’t even get me started on how telling people to “stop it” — when he got them riled up and encouraged violence in the first place — is just totally insufficient.)
So, when you say we’re being “paranoid”, you’re telling us to ignore the evidence that’s right in front of us. Perhaps you haven’t heard about it or personally seen it, but we have. We’re hearing, seeing, and experiencing these things daily.
If someone is telling you they’re afraid, there’s a real reason for that — those feelings are legitimate. Just because you aren’t feeling them doesn’t mean they don’t exist; just because those feelings make you uncomfortable doesn’t mean you get to undermine them.
If you were feeling sad or worried about something, you’d expect other people to treat your feelings as valid, right? You’d probably expect to be treated with kindness and empathy, and to perhaps receive some comfort and understanding — not to have that person tell you that you’re paranoid, or try to convince you that your feelings are wrong.
Well, I’m tired of justifying my fear to people who are so uncomfortable with my feelings that they’d rather erase them than hear my concerns.
So instead of telling us not to be afraid — listen. If you don’t understand our fears, take some time to understand them. Show some empathy. And then ask how you can help.
Saying “we’ll survive this presidency” ignores the real harm caused by past presidential policies.
Institutionalized homophobia, racism, sexism, and other discrimination has lasting effects.
- The Reagan administration’s silence and inaction on the HIV/AIDS epidemic led to thousands of deaths.
- Poor governmental response and apathy for black lives during Hurricane Katrina led to unnecessary death and destruction.
- Japanese internment caused over a thousand preventable deaths due to poor medical care and conditions in camps.
Presidential policies have real and deadly impacts — pretending otherwise erases this history. The people who say “we’ve survived” are the survivors. The ones who didn’t survive have been forever silenced.
“Wait and see” isn’t a liberty everyone has.
People from groups targeted by Trump are all too aware that they need to figure this out — now. It feels like — and may actually be — a life or death situation. This isn’t exaggeration; it’s a simple reality.
Imagine you’re a Muslim. How would you feel about Trump’s promise to put you on a national registry, like a Jew in Nazi Germany?
Imagine you’re an immigrant or refugee. How would you feel about Trump’s promise to put “illegals” in jail?
Imagine you’re gay. How would you feel about a Vice President like Pence, who supports gay conversion therapy (which is considered child abuse and is banned in 5 states)?
I can’t speak for all of these people, but at least some of them are asking themselves:
- Am I going to be safe in a Trump presidency? Is my family safe?
- What will he be able to do to me?
- Can I safely stay to protest?
- Can I afford to leave the country? If so, do I need to leave now?
- If I try to leave later, will I be able to?
- Do I need to change my name?
- Can I still marry my significant other?
- Do I have friends who could hide me if I needed them to?
If the thought hasn’t crossed your mind that you might need to leave the country, go into hiding, or conceal some part of your identity out of self-preservation, it’s not because everyone else is paranoid and you aren’t: it’s because your stakes aren’t the same.
Some of us simply don’t have the luxury of waiting for the other shoe to drop. We’ve seen how this has played out throughout history, and we’re not going to wait for it to happen again. We know we have to act now.
Saying Trump deserves a chance ignores that he’s already shown us who he is.
Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.” Trump has already shown us who he is.
- He said that Muslims should all be on a registry. His transition team is now working on the plans and said that Japanese internment set a precedent for this — as if this is somehow a good thing!
- He said women should be punished for getting abortions.
- His first 100 day action plan includes incarcerating immigrants.
- He wants to build a wall that has not only been described as impossible, including by various architects, but doesn’t even stop immigration.
- He’s appointed a white supremacist as the White House Chief Strategist, multiple Wall Street bankers as his transition team, and his own children to his transition team.
- Almost everything Trump is doing is unprecedented, and not in a good way. As Joshua Faust says: It’s not normal. For a dictator, yes. For a president of the United States of America? No. It’s rife with conflicts of interest, cronyism, and worse.
At what point will Trump be considered bad enough to acknowledge that he’s out of chances? How many bigoted comments does it take? Are 75 lawsuits enough? What about calling Mexicans rapists? And admitting to sexually assaulting women? Why do the goalposts keep moving?
Trump has already shown us who he is. The question is: are you willing to see it? Are you willing to call his unacceptable behavior out for what it is?
And saying we don’t know what he’ll do ignores that he’s already told us.
First there was the 100 day plan. Then he appointed a white supremacist, anti-semite as the White House Chief Strategist. And then he put “one of America’s most notorious Islamophobes” on the national security transition team. And that’s not even accounting for everything he’s already said and done leading up until this point: the racism and bigotry, sexism, homophobia, Islamophobia, and xenophobia.
What does it mean for the lives of Muslims in America if someone who’s supposed to be in charge of national security is biased against them?
What does it mean for LGBTQ+ people if the Vice President doesn’t care about their lives, or actively believes they are less-than?
What does it mean for women if their healthcare is viewed as secondary to that of men?
It seems we no longer need dystopic science fiction, because the dystopia has already arrived.
Okay, so what can I do to help?
- Listen. Please, please, please listen to your friends who are saying they’re scared. Ask how you can help. And then help however you can.
- Speak up. Don’t stay silent about these injustices. Silence is complicity. If you don’t have the energy for internet arguments, then write. If you can’t write, make art. If you can’t make art, go to protests. Just do something.
- Be politically active. Set aside 5 minutes tonight to call your representatives. Tell them how you feel about white supremacists like Stephen Bannon and Muslim registries. Send emails. Write letters. Share a template with your friends and get them to do the same. Set up a political group with friends and start meeting to figure out how to make an impact.
- Start NOW. We don’t have much time.
- Donate. If you can spare it, donate to organizations that need your help right now.
- Be kind. This isn’t about Democrat vs. Republican or liberal vs. conservative. This is about human rights and basic decency. Don’t use personal attacks; be okay with walking away from discussions if they start getting too heated. Take the high road and think about where you can have the most impact — one-on-one Facebook discussions can be overly-stressful, and probably aren’t the best use of your time or energy right now.
- Share. The only way we can #trumphate is with your help.
Thank you for reading.
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