My Dear Debit Card, It’s Over

Hey, debit card, I’ve got a bone to pick with you. You used to be so cool. I didn’t have to carry all that annoying cash and loose change. You didn’t let me spend what I didn’t have… but that came later. And I never had to worry about balancing out my transactions because you’d keep up with my purchases.

But you’ve changed. I’d like to say it’s not you but it’s definitely you in this equation. I’m doing what I’ve always done. I carry you everywhere and take you to nice places. Remember when we saw Titanic for the first time? That was great. And when I left you at a bar, I always came back for you.

What’s happened? I see you’re cheating on me with some guy in Jersey. Apparently you give your number out to just about anyone. I mean this is supposed to be a monogamous relationship and everything but you didn’t even get a good look at that guy before trying to go home with him. Damn. I thought we were closer than that.

I protested a little when we went to buy those bargain $5 DVDs at Wal-Mart and you just had to charge me $35 more because you let me spend $3.42 more than I thought I had in the bank. I should’ve known then you were getting more high maintenance,but I was in love. It was so comfy and simple. We had been together for so long that I put up with a few things over the years.

But now, I just can’t sit here while you go off planning vacations on Expedia for someone else. Yeah, I saw it! You left a paper trail a mile long! Not very smart. It must be pretty serious because I saw you got a ring on Overstock, too. It’s gone too far.

So, I have to break up with you, debit card. I just can’t be in a relationship where I’m not valued or protected. I do what I can to make sure you’ve got money. I work hard. You don’t see meslumming around with a check book behind your back, do you?

Unless you’re able to quit this nonsense and do what we agreed upon years ago I have to let you go. You should really use protection when you’re out there. If we do get back together I have one request. Send me a text when you’re thinking about feeling up another guy’s pocket and I’ll let you know if I think its ok first before you start gifting everyone again. Nothing personal, but you’ve just changed.

By the way, if you see me on the street you’ll notice I’m hanging out with an old friend again. I think we may get more serious,but for now I’m just seeing where it goes. You remember her right? Cash says hi and it’s too bad you didn’t know how to keep a good man.

No Replies to “My Dear Debit Card, It’s Over”

Originally published at rynfrz.com on April 2, 2014.