How to Be the Type of Person Everyone Wants to Know

A cognitive hypnotherapist shares “the secret ingredient”

Hazel Gale @


Photo: Benjamin Combs

Some people are simply a joy to be around. The conversation flows effortlessly. You laugh. You’re genuinely interested. You look forward to seeing them, and when you part ways you feel like their company was a valuable use of your time.

Obviously, this connection has partly to do with how much you have in common, but I think there’s more to it than that. This person usually has a secret ingredient.

Understanding your mindset

According to psychologist Carol Dweck, a person’s mindset can come in two flavours: fixed and growth. By understanding the difference between the two, we can shed light on why some people are better than others at showing us a good time.

In a nutshell, someone with a fixed mindset believes we are what we are, and that things — meaning personality traits, capabilities, beliefs about ourselves, etc. — don’t really change. For example, with a fixed mindset, if I’m bad at maths, then that’s just the way I am. I’ll always be bad at maths. There really isn’t any point in trying to improve my skills. If I believe myself to not be a funny person, then that will continue to be my destiny, etc.

On the other hand, an individual with a growth mindset believes in constant evolution. I am what I am now, but that’s different from what I was before, and what I will be in the future. If I’m bad at maths now, I can work at it and potentially become a maths genius — given the proper motivation, of course. If I don’t find myself to be very funny now, I can practice my joke-telling skills and comedic delivery, and maybe I’ll have them rolling in the aisles one day. Everything is a matter of effort.

Some people tend more toward a fixed mindset, and others toward that of growth, but it’s not entirely binary. Most of us will shift between the two outlooks depending on our situation.

The way we evaluate our personal sense of worth, success and ability differs depending on our mindset. The fixed mindset individual judges themselves against others. In order to feel good at something, they have to be better than everyone else around them, or at least…



Hazel Gale @

Co-creator of Betwixt, the interactive adventure game that helps you befriend the voice in your head // Author of “The Mind Monster Solution”.