Do I Have to Go to That? A Guide for the Reluctantly Social Employee
Figuring out unspoken rules for work-adjacent events
Cubicle buddy’s birthday party is this Saturday? In a neighborhood across the city from my apartment, at a brewery, even though I’m on antibiotics and really shouldn’t imbibe? Sure, I’ll be there. Company holiday party? Absolutely. Going-away drinks at 6 p.m. on Tuesday? Well, I’ve got a standing appointment at 7:00, but I could squeeze in 20 minutes, assuming the subway is running normally.
For my first few years in the working world, this was how I operated. If you invited me to a thing, I went to your thing, with almost no exceptions. It was exhausting and overwhelming and usually meant I didn’t actually enjoy the events I attended. More often than not, I didn’t actually want to be there.
At some point, though, I met a co-worker whose socializing strategy was the complete opposite of mine. He never went to anything. Which seemed freeing, but also like a good way to become “that person” — you know, the one in the office who never gets invited to things because they’ll never go anyway, the one deemed unfriendly or rude when they leave the office alone as the rest of you are headed out to celebrate your teammate’s birthday.
