Your Mom Worked Out in a Thong

But sure, let’s continue to litigate the scandalousness of leggings

When funding for public schools across rural Oregon substantially decreased in the early 1990s—a result of Measure 5, a property tax cut that proponents swore wouldn’t affect education—so-called electives like arts and hands-on sciences were snipped and trimmed.

My elementary school in unincorporated Lane County was hit hard by the reduction in funding. P.E. was cut entirely. Fortunately, there was no shortage of inexpensive material available to take its place. Instead of piling into the gym every day after recess, our homeroom teacher took over. Twice a week, we’d file into the music room, now also unused, and form several lines in front of a massively heavy television on a cart, without dressing down or changing our shoes.

Then Mrs. Ladd would pop in a tape for the class to follow.

From Mousercise to this terrifying Barbie workout video featuring Jennifer Love Hewitt to something called “Joggy Bear,” children’s workout videos that were supposed to encourage kids to enjoy movement and instill a lifelong love of fitness. In classrooms, these videos served to address the health issues that plagued lower-income schools.

Whether they achieved that goal—after a few years, the Oregon legislature would pass a bill requiring actual, educational P.E. classes, in part due to the rise in obesity—is debatable, but in the present day, they offer a more…