Reviews of Movies I Haven’t Seen
‘The Emoji Movie’
0 Stars (Out of 5 Stars)
In what is surely an indication of the fall of Western civilization, Hollywood is unleashing upon us a movie about emojis next Friday. It’s called The Emoji Movie (how clever), and I haven’t seen it, but I know that I definitely hate it. Just watch the trailer, all the while reminding yourself that this is a real movie that exists, and lots of kids want to see it and will. What on earth is going on?
This Emoji Movie scrapes the very bottom of Hollywood’s idea barrel and makes me feel genuinely sad for this new generation of children who will likely never get to experience a host of wonderful Disney animated films that are peppered with racial stereotypes and misogyny. Instead, apparently, here’s a movie about the little animated images that people text each other instead of using words to communicate, like we did in the good old days. Wow, how fun.
And if you’re a teen or adult going to see this, seriously, what the hell? How ridiculous and vapid must your life be that you would prefer to see a film about talking emojis going on some kind of an adventure, when there’s more mature fare available this year.
Like a movie about cool cars that race and crash into each other.
