Good morning, Mr. Hunt. I hope you’re feeling well-rested because today’s assignment is quite arduous. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to go through your inbox and respond to any outstanding e-mails.

To complete this task, you will first need to penetrate your highly secured Gmail account, defeat the two-step verification process, and retrieve your forgotten login information. You will have three attempts to correctly guess your password. Remember, it’s either the name of your first pet or the cross streets where you lost your virginity. If by the third attempt you have not deciphered the code, intel suggests the account will immediately combust and the e-mails will be lost forever.

You have one hour to infiltrate. Good luck — and remember, should any member of your team be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your actions.


Good morning, Mr. Hunt. You look well. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, involves the festering piles of laundry scattered across your bedroom floor. You must retrieve these articles of clothing and deposit them in a pre-ordained location, otherwise known as “the hamper.”

You may recruit three of your children as team members, but it is essential that your team include Lauren, your eldest child. She’s growing up, and it is of the utmost importance that you bond with her before it’s too late.

You have 48 minutes to recruit your team and complete your mission before your wife returns home from a long day of work. Should you fail, she will glare at you. As always, should any member of your team be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your actions.


Good morning, Mr. Hunt. Have you been working out? While shopping at Target earlier this week, your identity was compromised during a credit card hack. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to call a representative from your bank to report the breach and obtain a replacement card.

Do not make the mistake of underestimating the difficulty of this undertaking. Receiving a new card will take at least a week, and once you are in possession of the replacement card, you will need to enter your new payment information into all pertinent websites.

This is a task requiring nerve, focus, and extreme amounts of patience, so select your team accordingly. It should go without saying at this point, but should any member of your force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your actions.


Good morning, Mr. Hunt. I hope your allergies have abated because today’s mission will require a clear head and even clearer sinuses. Included in this message is a phone number you must call. On the other end of the line will be a contact — let’s call her “the receptionist.” Upon answering, she will ask you to provide a date when you’re available to come in for an appointment.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to schedule a dentist appointment with the receptionist to have your teeth cleaned and a cavity filled. This mission has been in the works for almost two years, and every time we’ve come close to completing it, we’ve been foiled by inconvenient business hours or a lack of appropriate insurance.

Mr. Hunt, I cannot stress the importance of this mission enough — dental hygiene is a crucial part of maintaining a healthy body. This message, like your back molar, will self-destruct in five minutes. So make sure to dial that number immediately. The receptionist awaits your call.


Good morning, Mr. Hunt. Is that a new shirt? No? Well, it looks great. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to return the two Netflix DVDs you’ve had sitting on your kitchen counter for the last three years.

To complete this task, you must first locate the disc for “The English Patient,” which was last seen on the coffee table circa 2016. Without a tracking device to guide you, I must warn you this task is not Mission: Difficult. It is Mission: Impossible.

Godspeed, Ethan, and may God have mercy on your soul.