The Demands of Masculinity Nearly Broke My Family
I was so worried about showing weakness that we almost fell apart
There had been so many arguments that week, it was just easier to hide in the spare room and close the door behind me. That way there’d be nothing to get angry or shout about, nothing to make me storm out of the house to get away from it all.
I had started feeling terribly trapped. There were big things, like a major invoice that hadn’t been paid and a tax deadline, and small things: a misplaced hospital letter, the frustration of persuading a preschooler to brush his teeth. Worrying about breaking a wine glass left carelessly, I thought, by the sink. That was when my wife asked me, desperation on her face, why I wouldn’t let her help me.
I remember just feeling so angry that I couldn’t let her help, because that would mean adding to the list of things I couldn’t do on my own.
At the time, my wife and I were getting toward the end of a relationship counseling course. That was yet another source of trappedness: It seemed wonderfully New Man of me to acknowledge our need for counseling, but I was also ashamed that I needed counseling at all — despite our therapist repeatedly telling us that counseling makes perfect sense in a world where people aren’t taught constructive…
