A Drunk Girl’s Guide to Hangovers

Because whoever invented booze didn’t include the manual.


Once you start feeling the party vibe, it’s hard to resist the temptation of drinking and playing games like beer pong or Never Have I Ever. The sting in the back of your throat after taking another shot or being able to chug a whole bottle of vodka, as the crowd loses their shit, gives you a roller coaster type of thrill you can’t ignore. You start feeling the buzz of the atmosphere and booze, then it goes dark. Next thing you know, you’re kneeling next to the toilet — if you’re lucky — in last night’s clothing, praying that it all blows over quickly.

Drinking is all fun and games of course, until you wake up the next morning with a killer headache and no will left to live. You hear horror stories of people who suffer from hangovers and all you can think is “Yeah, right.” Well kiddos, it’s time for a wakeup call.

Hangovers make me want to jump off the nearest building to get rid of the migraines and aches in my body. Yet, whenever my friends and I go out,
 I refuse to be the sober buddy. So my gift to you is my tried-and-true tips on how to survive the night.

Life pro-tip: Don’t be stupid and drink to the point of blacking out the day before work/school. It’s not worth it.

A Feast for Kings

In-N-Out, Taco Bell, McDonalds, Pizza Hut, you get the idea. Nothing is better than being able to chow down on the least authentic Mexican food available at 3 a.m., and suddenly feeling like you’ve discovered the best thing on earth. Greasy food is a Godsend after a long night of drinking because the fat found in the food helps protect your stomach lining, which means a less punishing hangover.

My personal go-to: Spicy Thai food from the neighborhood Thai shop. Yum.

Hydration is Major 🔑

Don’t be a thirsty hoe. Drinking water in between shots helps you stay hydrated so that a) your buzz lasts longer and b) you don’t get hungover. Drink some Pedialite the night before and the morning after to ensure your body isn’t dehydrated and you don’t feel like shit the next morning .

Side-note: If you wanna be as basic as possible, you can drink coconut water or coconut milk. It’s full of electrolytes and tastes like coconut, duh. In case regular water wasn’t basic enough for you.

Rest Up, You’re Gonna Need It

Nap times aren’t just for kindergardeners anymore. Close the blinds, turn on the A/C, and knock out. Even if you’re not feeling tired, you should close your eyes, even for a brief moment. Sleep restores your body after a long day and the best part is that your body skips the REM part of the sleep meaning you automatically go straight to a deep sleep and your body has time to recover from all the destruction you caused (internally).

Go On Another Binge

No, no more alcohol. A Netflix binge. Watch some old shows that you haven’t seen since you were a kid or something new, like Stranger Things. Point is just sit down and enjoy some entertainment. Don’t go out and try to run a marathon, or even some errands. You’re gonna die. Just stay indoors, wrapped up in blankets in your pajamas and binge the day away.

Sure you could go out and buy aspirin and some Clamato to add with vodka, but how generic is that? Personally, I hate curing the sickness with some poison, it’s stupid. Your body is dying because of it, so drinking more alcohol is just beating a dead horse. Now, you get be ~unique~ and do something not so basic.

I know, this is great advice. The only thing I ask for in return is an invite to the next bar crawl or party. I’m always down to get drunk and party the night away. Text me.

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