Go Beef or Go Home

A beef-lover’s take on why In-N-Out should stop a petition to add a veg burger dead in its tracks.

A petition is gaining steam to pressure In-N-Out to add a vegetarian option to the hamburger-mecca’s menu. If you’re a burger-lover, you don’t need a veggie burger; you probably just need to eat a burger.

The petition seems to be representing “burger-loving” vegetarians, but if you’ve been going veg for the past six months and your body has been craving burgers the whole time, you probably don’t want a patty made out of mushrooms and onions. You want a juicy, 100 percent beef patty in all its greasy goodness.Go through the drive-thru. Roll down your window just enough to place your order and receive the goods. Then, go home and lock yourself in your room with all of your blinds shut and lights off. Now you can finally enjoy your human food. And don’t worry, nobody is going to judge you. Especially since it’ll probably be the first normal thing you’ve done in the past six months.

Panera Bread exists.

In fact, a lot of food establishments that serve a wide range of vegetarian and vegan options exist. I don’t go to these places because I don’t want to run into people like you, but I’ve been told they exist.

It’s not just restaurants with veg options, either. Some restaurants offer exclusively vegetarian menus, if you can believe that.

It’s actually not all that healthier for you.

The petition is asking In-N-Out to introduce a “healthy, humane, and sustainable” alternative to their world-famous hamburgers. You would expect, then, that they offer examples that would be healthier for you.

Burger chains nationwide have been getting huge returns from meat alternatives, and In-N-Out could do the same. Chipotle has vegan sofritas, Whitecastle has veggie sliders — even fast-food kingpin Burger King has the BK Veggie!

I’m not really sure if Chipotle should be considered a burger chain, but let’s just take Burger King as an example. Burger King uses MorningStar Farms Garden Veggie Patties for their veggie burger.

According to In-N-Out’s website, assuming you’d substitute their spread for ketchup and mustard to make it comparable to the BK burger, a hamburger contains 310 calories and 10 grams of fat. BK’s veggie burger, on the other hand, comes with 390 calories and 15 grams of fat. Now, I’m no nutritionist, but beef seems to be winning here.

BK’s website also states that their MorningStar Farms Garden Veggie Patties alone contain 620 mg of sodium, which is terrifying enough. But it gets worse when you realize that the entire veggie burger contains 1060 mg of sodium while a 100 percent beef hamburger from In-N-Out has only 730 mg of sodium.

You don’t have to eat at In-N-Out.

If you’re currently a vegetarian, you probably aren’t eating at In-N-Out. If you are, you’re probably not spending a bunch of money on a premium veggie burger. Yet, In-N-Out doesn’t seem to be struggling financially. As it turns out, they don’t really need your business all that much, so just go somewhere else.

Besides, if you really want to eat at In-N-Out that bad and you’re a vegetarian, order the grilled cheese or the “veggie burger,” which is a burger with all the trimmings on a bun, sans the burger.