Beverly Yan sits on a bench outside of the Student Life building on a late Tuesday afternoon. The sunlight is fading as night begins to land in and around the campus. The 18-year- old, history major tightly wraps her hands around the bench as she swings her legs back and forth. She is wearing clothing that is catered for a masculine consumer, but she is comfortable. She speaks with a desire to be open and to be understood. Yan appears as a woman wearing men’s clothing, something she said she is comfortable with. “People look at me, ‘she is very fashionable, she’s androgynous, that’s cool,’” Yan said.

What is not visible on the outside is that Yan identifies as gender neutral, meaning she does not identify as solely male or female. Yan is quick to mention that she is not gay, but asexual, “even if it is not looked at as a real sexual orientation,” she added.

According to the American Psychological Association, gender is defined as “ …attitudes, feelings, and behaviors that a given culture associates with a person’s biological sex.” This means an individual must fit into one gender. “You can’t switch from one thing to another in our society because you have to present yourself in terms that people understand,” Yan said of the way others may perceive her gender neutrality.

There is a sense of being disconnected from the LGBTQ community at Mt. SAC because Yan has not immersed herself in it. She said she is concerned with the way the LGBTQ community may see her and the possibility of them not accepting her. Gender identity, according to the American Psychological Association is “one’s sense of oneself as male, female, or transgender.” Yan does not see herself as male, female, or transgender but that does not stop her from accepting herself. “I’m not disturbing anyone, people don’t look at me and [say] ‘that’s a trap.’” Yan added that she can walk around school with the certainty people like her for who she is but there is still a level of comfort she has not reached within that sense of confidence. “There are some days where I want to look more feminine or more masculine and that’s when I become more uncomfortable.” Yan said.

There are resources that individuals need in the LGBTQ community especially in a school setting. There is a growing concern for more transparency with the services that are offered to help the LGBTQ community at Mt. SAC as well as supplying more support. “Having something that is specific or for LGBTQ students is a lot more effective,” Yan said.

The biggest struggle is “not having a support system, not knowing that there are people that you can contact and receive advice from and even friendship from,” Yan said. There is still work to be done on improving services for the LGBTQ community and the demand is rising. “There is no real way to connect with other people that are just like you,” Yan added. The overall goal for the LGBTQ community that Yan would like to see is more self-acceptance and the ability for students to have no limitations.

As a friend of Yan’s, Aysha Haq 22, hospitality major, has developed a friendship with her over the past two years. “I worry that she might not be accepting of her and her identity, we go to her for help [and] that makes me wonder if she needs help with a personal thing like this.” Haq said.

However, for Yan she is optimistic as she continues to speak from the bench outside of the Student Life building.

“I’m comfortable and uncomfortable.”