Success has its down times too….
Over the past few days I have had a pretty rough time and what I found weird was how I lambasted myself for being such a loser — because of having a rough time. A time when I would have been more wise to be gentle with myself, care for myself and nurture myself.
Nope, instead I was rude to me, nasty and downright obnoxious. So much so that after a few days I hated myself and felt like a monumental failure and fraud.
I mean, how can I call myself successful, a thought leader or how on earth could I possibly empower others in their life if I was such a frigging wreck.
For no apparent reason, I became sad and teary and it seemed to linger for a few days; I didn’t move forward in my work, I felt tired and lethargic. I was not sick, just sad.
I was stunned to find myself sad and teary over some of my experiences. Sad for the little girl being beaten. Sad for the confused teenager yearning to break free from the binds of the forced incarceration. Sad for the little foetuses that were ripped from my body so brutally by a narcissistic bully. Sad for the loss of my last business — a business that was so successful it gained international acclaim — sad that I sabotaged so much in my life. Sad because I no longer have my 4 beautiful fluffy babies, Tandy, Paka, Chino and Charlie — it all felt so overwhelming.
And instead of increasing my levels of self care, self love, I berated myself.
And I bet you can relate to that — I bet you have experienced the same thing.
I used to think that when I am successful I will be happy. I will have all my shit sorted. I will have it ALL sussed and nothing and no one will phase me.
A few years ago I wrote out a list of ‘markers’ that would indicate that I was ‘successful’ and they included things like -
- Write a best seller
- Collaborate on a book with a world leader
- Speak on stage with leaders in their field
- Be a part of a very high level mastermind group of enlightened beings
- Travel the world with my work
- Be considered a thought leader by my peers
- My work featured in books and in the works of other leaders
- Take part in inspiring documentaries
- Teach my own Intellectual Property to students
- Have students and clients write to me telling me how I have changed their life
These are just some of the markers — I see them every night and every morning as they are stuck on a set of drawers by my bed — handwritten on index cards.
And as I was in the depths of berating myself, I stopped, and took a deep breath and decided to do a Tony Robbins and take a moment to try and see things as they REALLY are (that is one of his steps in helping you change your state — see things as they really are not how you think they are) — so I pulled off the index cards and went through them and realised that in actual fact I had achieved all of the markers I wrote down only 2 years ago.
So why was I feeling such a failure and so sad and down?
I have moved beyond the pain of my past, I have grieved that pain, accepted the pain. I have appreciated it and gone to gratitude for it and beyond that I have also seen, acknowledged and use the incredible tools and skills I have learned as a result of my experiences to create my ‘successful’ life — and I have been doing that for sometime now AND I work with thousands to do the same with great success. I have gratitude and love in my heart for those who subjected me to all the pain.
So how could I be feeling sad and down now?
Well the answer was quite simple — Success has its down times too…
No matter how successful you are, no matter how much you have achieved, no matter how much you have overcome — you are going to have days when you just DO NOT WANT TO GET OUT OF THAT COZY BED.
There will be days that you will want to bury your head. Stay in your jammies (if you wear them), there will be days when you are teary for no apparent reason — and you know what — that is OK.
It is your cue to increase your levels of self mastery by honouring yourself with extra care and love. Be extra tender to yourself. Be extra generous with your thoughts and feelings about yourself.
It is your cue to increasing your levels of self nurture.
Because what I have come to realise, those down times, are just as important as the times you are vibrant and energetic, consumed with inspired ideas and rearing to put everything you need to in to action. They complete the circle — one with out the other would be incomplete — like trying to find a one sided magnet — not possible!!
For out of that downtime comes increased energy and another quantum leap in your evolution — when you come through that downtime, you begin another cycle.
Make that next cycle count and when you experience that downtime, love yourself more, nurture yourself more because when you come out of it you will be vibrating on a whole new level.
So never again think that you are not successful because you have down days where you just want to cry into your coffee!!
They are blessings! embrace them with your love.
Love and Gratitude Judy
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