Single-ish

My relationship status just got more complicated than “married and dating.”

It’s raining in Los Angeles which means large insects are coming up the pipes of my home. I douse one to death with a spray bottle of tea tree oil, the same one I use to spray down my yoga mat. Then it hit me. If I have to kill my own bugs from now on… I’m a sad, sad, single woman.

I spend the rest of my night dreadfully removing relationship crumbs from my online profiles. It’s anything but liberating. In fact, it hurts to think of what I now have to offer the fine kinky non-monogamous men and women of Los Angeles. How do I not choke on my own words when I tell them I am non-monogamous, exiting a failed marriage (that happened to be an open one), dating a polyamorous married man (who had nothing to do with my failed marriage), and convince them I’m not a wreck? If anything I have more relationship experience under my belt now.

I’m just bracing myself for the inevitable as I switch my profiles to “single-ish.”

Please don’t let this unleash a fury of unwanted sexual and romantic advances from undesirable men.

Please don’t let this signal to those whom I’ve admitted to having a full dance card that there’s a potential spot open.

Please don’t have all of the “I hate my ex-spouse” people come at me with their worst case scenario stories.

Please don’t let the vanillas blame kink and non-monogamy for the failure of my relationship.

Please don’t let the vanillas blame not having a stereotypical nuclear family for the failure of my relationship.

Please don’t let this be anything other than a transition into the next phase of my life.