Five fashionable replacements for a Helmet

Growing up, there was a certain superstition surrounding the use of hats, caps, and even helmets. It was a constant case of “They’ll use it to take your glory”. Sounds crazy, right? Sadly it’s something that people still believe today, so, here are 5 replacements for Helmets that you can use without fear of someone ‘stealing your glory’.

1. Durags

A fashion statement for anyone who wears them, durags make you look cool, dangerous, and confident. They also make you an easy target for SARS but what does it matter? In the immortal words of somebody I can’t remember, “Life is temporary but drip is eternal” plus no one can steal your glory when you look so badass.

2. Beanies

The knitted versions are comfier, classier and more beautiful. A beanie on anyone is perfection. It’s the right fit, the right size and you’ll be on top of the world. Did I mention that in case of accidents you’ll lose less blood because there’s less space for it to flow through with a Beanie on? With all these advantages, what is a helmet, please?

3. Face Caps

The very best! These ones don’t bang if you buy them with your money. The beauty of face caps come from ‘obtaining’ them from a friend, family member, neighbour, in fact anyone that isn’t you. If you ever fall, as long as you have a face cap on, you’re protected by the ever strong bill with the ability to break through asphalt protecting you. Not enough? Once you wash it, you’ve washed away the danger of anyone stealing your glory.

4. Wigs

This is my personal favorite. With a wig on, even accidents are afraid of you. If by mistake, your bike starts to zigzag on the road, you can just take off your wig and hold it mid-air. The winds and the waves will obey the movement of your hands and the bike will be forced to align and do normal. You know that wig is a replica of the hair of Jesus…or as close as it gets.

5. Satin Bonnets

With the space in these bonnets, you can use it as a sail to navigate the wind when on the bike. This space also means that there is some distance between the top of your head and the top of the bonnet so no glory stealing, no accidents. All calamities just pass right through without ever touching you — Win-Win situation; just make sure you spread your arms out wide as you move from side to side.

I hope you find this information to be very useful because when they tell you to “use a helmet, use a helmet”, you no dey hear word because you get coconut head. You better use a helmet to avoid “I thy know”.