SAG 2021 — Week 10 Report
Monday, 15th November 2021–5:44am…
I lie in the worst kind of anticipation. I’ve woken a mere minute before my alarm. Last night’s dream is already fading, and I perform some mental gymnastics to determine if I should sneak out of bed now and avoid waking Katie or remain dead still and cherish the last minute of sleep. Fuck it, I get up and out of bed. I’m creeping into the bathroom as the alarm starts to sound from the phone in my hand. Swipe right to turn off. Swipe left to snooze. I go right. Damn I’m feeling fast this morning. Soft flannel pajama pants are swapped for gym gear. Today I’m going with a couple of recent purchases from the Nike Yoga line, a faded olive singlet and a pair distressed blue shorts with an incorporated compression liner. The slightly relaxed fit provides the comfort I need, and the subtle washed pastel tones make me seem like I’m earthy and understated. The Nike logo is subtlety present though, so others will know that I’m legit about performance at the same time. It’s cold out this morning so a throw a Nike zip up hoodie on and head to the garage where my most weighty decision now awaits. I slide on my Nike Metcon 5’s. They are light grey with a gum-colored sole. The flat sole with a 10-degree lift in the heel show that I’m not fucking around in my work out. The function of a weightlifting shoe is there, but without the velcro strap and hard shell that would make cardio more arduous. This is the pinnacle of cross training footwear. Others will recognize my game. I’m already crushing my work out before it starts.
I drive to the gym, park across the street in the train station lot, and quickly dash across the road in the chilly light drizzle. I immediately notice that a young guy I’ve never seen in the gym before has taken my preferred elliptical machine. This is mildly concerning but not a problem, yet. I’ve got my 20 min of stationary bike first so he should be gone by then. My hip is aching more than usual this morning, so the cardio warm up is critical to my day. I remembered to put the massage gun on the charger last night, its battery depletion ruined my nightly ritual yesterday and the lack of preparation is grinding on me still. I plug in my workout parameters on the touch screen of the bike — random hill climb, 20 mins, average intensity level 12, start. I open the GamePass app and turn on my bluetooth wireless headphones. They’re Sennheiser and not the appropriate sweat resistant rating for a gym session, but I like to show others that I’m serious when it comes to audio quality, and I don't settle for low build quality in my life.
Dak connects with Gallup for his first catch after a return form a calf injury. The Cowboys WR/QB stack I started is looking good early. Atlanta are a mess. Django is starting Ryan and he’s shitting the bed. First 20 mins down on the bike and the sweat levels are rising. A gym regular enters as I’m wiping down the equipment with an alcohol wipe. I’d see him most mornings pre-lockdown when I would get up at 6am and make it to the gym by 6:12am. Now I get up 15 minutes earlier so that I can power move him and select the choice cardio machines first. I know I’m in his head. He is wearing his standard attire, tight fitting tank top (the ones that aren’t a singlet as the neckline is too tight and the shoulders too wide), generic shorts with black and white running shoes. Pathetic. All show up top and no thought of completing the outfit below the waist. He always looks like he’s showered before his workout, hair slicked back and smelling like he took a quick lap in his plunge pool of cologne. But I know he’ll be eyeing off my favorite elliptical. Its empty now too. The Bills are laying a smackdown on the Jets but Mack J is showing some spice for the Pats and I like to keep tabs on my bench so it’s important I get to the next machine quickly. Cologne heads to the rowing ergo though so I get an uncovered A-gap and charge onto the favorite elliptical. Start program, 20 mins, random hills, intensity level 12, start. Washington are ten points up going into the half and I’m concerned that Godwin is going to underperform at WR. The sweat continues to build, and I feel powerful.
Monday, 15th November 2021–7:10am…
I change into a pair of Nike Free RN Flyknit runners in navy and white. The dog is saddled up with his leash and I’m off to the cafe for a soy cappuccino. The appropriate footwear is critical. The Nike zip up is still providing a strong active impression and my sweat matted hair with hood up gives me the appearance of a prize fighter coming off a sparring session. I wonder about getting a set of hand wraps to complete this look; will check out Amazon later today. The wireless headphones are changed out for the standard white Google earbuds. Being aware of my surroundings on a walk is important and the noise cancelling headphones restrict this. Being able to tuck them into the top of my t-shirt when I order my coffee is also a far more chilled move than the headphones round the neck. The walk is brisk, but the sun is half attempting to break through. I juggle the dog leash in one hand and my phone in the other broadcasting more RedZone. TJ Watt cops a nasty lower leg knock which is the only semi exciting event I’ve seen in the Pittsburgh game. McLaurin gets absolutely blown up making a catch across the middle. Very impressive, he’s legit and I’m a huge fan. Dak runs one in from not far out which is to be expected and my team is tracking ok.
I head back home after collecting my coffee. This is the clutch time in my walk, where skill and reflexes are pushed to Pro difficulty. Two hands contend with a dog leash, a hot coffee and a phone playing RedZone action. The dog comes to an abrupt halt to take piss number 32 on the corner of a bench. I make a practiced transition of coffee and phone into my offhand, execute a deft pivot to compensate for the momentum shift and mange to not only negotiate the turn, but parley that into a coffee slurp as Brucie executes a series of scratches to mark his passing without so much of a tension change on his leash. Still got it. Slick moves. My athletic grace is unappreciated though as the street is still quite empty at this time of the morning. A young mother on the other side of the road doesn’t seem to notice as her attention is buried in the pram she is pushing. What a waste, she has no idea of the spectacle she has missed. She’s also wearing a tired pair of cheap trainers. I smirk into my coffee and shake my head as I turn back to RedZone. She doesn’t get it.
Cowboys block a punt and recover in the end zone for a TD. Missed points for Dak. My Garmin watch indicates that my steps are at 8,723 for the morning. A good start to a Monday in the life of a Commissioner.
Now to the recaps.
Channel4 defeated Bandits
Oh the Bandits. What do we make of you? A reasonable performance out of the bread and butter of the roster but when your QB’s combine for just over double digits, you’ve got more heavy lifting to do than a pall bearer at Elvis’ funeral. The News Team weren’t much chop, they were beaten in every position across the ground… apart from the QBs. But the QB’s held up their end.
Rubbers defeated Co-cainers
While this was a win for a team that desperately needed one, timing was horrible. David “the Grinch” Clarke has no sense of theatre and takes the win against the new father. For god’s sake he had a child in the last 48 hours and Deebo just goes and runs the score up on him in MNF as well. The amount of class shown here was less than I attended in first year uni. That aside, Co-cainers are in full slide now. There needs a circuit breaker to keep them out of the bottom two at the minute as that's now four losses on the trot.
Gypsies defeated Patches
The first of the great finishes this week. Kittle and Henderson v Kupp in MNF decided this and yet it’ll be a doughnut from Geisicki way back on Thursday night that's going to sting the most here for Patches. After a start that looked for all money was going to lead to a first-round bye, this loss will bring the Average Joe’s boys back into a race for second place. Gypsies will be also wrapped that they are now climbing out of a Leonard shaped hole and are within touching distance of the wildcard week as well.
JABs WOLFMANNED TacoCorp
The great steal. JLo is currently rounding up all the voting ballot machines in Gee-droit to see where he lost this one. A visit from the Wolfman is brutal but he had his grease gun and gaffer tape ready to rock’n’roll going into MNF as both these teams were way out in front. The Kansas City Stack fired and CeeDee was exceptional, but another TE doughnut will be the sting that hurts the most in this game as well. JABs were exceptionally solid with only one player sub-9 points and that team is looking scary robust given its now late November.
Next week we’re returning to the SAG LAB+ to take a closer look at the playoff picture and the permutations and combinations of the final 4 weeks in the regular season.
1st and 10,
Commish Clue
