The word networking has negative connotations in our society — you’re at a happy hour gazing at lonely, soggy appetizers leaning off a platter, dreading that moment where you have to turn around and “engage”. You turn, and the Networker smiles insincerely, pushes their business card into your hand and backs you into a corner while they suck up your time and energy. I envision I’m an orange. Someone is jamming a straw into me. SSSSSSSSSSLURP, as all my life forces are sucked out into their beings. Bleck.

I’m determined to avoid those “surface” conversations, “Hey, great to see you!” They don’t remember my name, don’t give a darn “How’s it going?” They look around the room while I’m talking, searching for higher quality targets, then move on to next victim. Boy, that felt great.

What a shame people cringe at the concept of networking, because it’s a rewarding experience when it’s done the right way.

I often use the word connecting instead. On my good days — exercise check — good sleep check — didn’t have to hook up an i.v. of caffeine check — I enter into a conversation with the genuine desire to learn, to collaborate, and to support an individual. Most of the time I end up doing a lot of work helping people with contacts and resources, and get nothing back from it. Givers gain.

Connecting is about sharing, learning and helping. It’s a two-way street. Enter the conversation with an honest interest in them: You’ll stand out in the crowd. The experience will be rewarding for both parties.

How to Do It

You can connect at a cocktail hour or convention, but that can get a little stale. Instead, make the most of every situation or create your own connecting environment. I truly believe that networking shouldn’t be boring, and that it’s our job to get creative when connecting.

Wherever, Whenever

For example, at a kid’s play center I met a recruiter for a major consulting firm . . . found out she needed to buy a car . . . helped her connect with a fantastic car salesperson (yes, she purchased from him) . . . found out her consulting firm had job openings . . . connected the recruiter with two talented candidates. Years later she introduced me to the a key Microsoft consulting manager.

Create Your Own

I’m on the Education Committee for the Washington Women’s Foundation. Amazing, diverse women. I invited them to lunch before the meeting; our meeting schedule is so busy, we never have time to learn more about each other. Five showed up, and I asked them open-ended questions, “What’s challenging you the most right now? What gets you up in the morning?” The depth of the conversations were fantastic.

Steve Jobs used to have “walking meetings.” Walking meetings vs. coffee or lunch are strongly promoted by business school professors at Stanford. It’s something about the rhythm of movement that stimulates the mind. I occasionally plan Greenlake “Walk-n-Talks”, a 3-mile walk with friends, colleagues and clients.

Quality vs. Quantity

If I go to an event and have one “non-surface” conversation, that time was well spent. For me, a good conversation doesn’t just mean I moved business forward, it could also mean that I collaborated, got inspired, or had a deepened connection — learning something about that individual that I never would have known had I not had that non-surface conversation

So be thoughtful before you enter the room — what are 1-2 things you hope to walk away with? Ask them about their needs, challenges and goals for the year both personally and professionally. If you think of a resource that might help them, offer it. And leave them with food for thought: if I feel there’s potential to further the relationship, I leave them with a statement or query that makes them want to talk with me again. That makes them think, “She could be a valuable resource.” Be patient: you never know where a conversation might lead, and it likely won’t happen overnight.

Lastly, it’s not just about business & career results, it’s about growing as an individual; by spending extra time and energy both before and after encounters, I’ve gained insight, inspiration and the feeling that sometimes I truly make a difference in the lives of others.