Filling The Void A Journey Into Wholeness
Ours is not to reason why, Ours is but to do and die.
‘Forward, the Light Brigade!’
Was there a man dismayed?
Not though the soldier knew
Someone had blundered.
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die.
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred
These lines are from the famous poem “The Charge of the Light Brigade” by Alfred, Lord Tennyson.
These words have glorified and immortalized the charge as noble and brave, and yet I’m sure the poor members of the Light Brigade would have been terrified.
Welcome to my world I’m the soldier charging through the valley of death.
I’m a warrior of light and yet I spend so much time in the dark, not just fighting and chasing shadows, but in the dark about the reason why, I’ve survived the charge, but now the true horror of the charge has become clear, friends and comrades dead, myself badly wounded on so many levels. The soldier in me wants to understand why I signed up and I did enjoy the status and the uniform, but I’m battered and bloody and sometimes it makes no sense.
The human part of me is the vehicle that enables my soul to experience the physical, on some days it receives clear instructions from the soul. On other days I follow the routine that the soul and I have set up, like touring the country, a simple gig, I get the soul in front of people and then get out of the way and let the soul speak through me.
Then a bit of PR talking to people about how great it must be to have such a gift, the people want to know how I manage to get out of the way so well, how I disappear and become invisible.
Then I get asked, how does it feel to be hollow and empty so the soul can gain the easiest access? And the answer is great when the soul has a use for that space, and hollow and empty when it doesn’t.
My internal meeting room is empty most of the time at the moment, so I beg for some purpose or function to fill the emptiness and it sends me on missions that make no sense and fill the emptiness with confusion, the void being filled with huge waves of energy as I try to understand why they point out that this person or thing is important without giving any context or reason.
Sometimes just an obsessive pull, that anchors me in need of clarity and understanding, not least to try to explain to my beautiful and incredibly patient wife why I’m being pulled so intensely to a person, thing, or place.
In the absence of answers, I eliminate possibilities, it’s not that or it’s not that. I can gauge what it’s not, but still the question of why.
I believe, my role and energy have changed from an internal meeting room for the soul to be heard, into a creative hub that will merge the human part of me with the creative divine love that will help fill the void in me.
A space that can help spread love, healing, and self-acceptance. I now understand the importance for me of some people.
My mission is to fill the hollowness inside that once served me and the soul so well to become whole, I live in Stockport in the UK, and Stockport is the birthplace of the river Mersey, the river Tame, and river Goyt merge to create the larger river Mersey, three rivers merging was special to the ancient people.
Now my task is to merge the duality into a new flow of awareness in the moment and just to be, to trust my completion is assured as is yours.
Writing about how lost I am, has given me the direction and understanding I was craving.
If you’re reading this you’re important to me in my search for wholeness, and maybe it’s a quest too and we have decided to do it together.
I know my world is a safer and brighter place with you in it.
Thank you for the love you have shown me, and please accept my love. Acceptance is the way we pay for the love and our gifts.
You are amazing now, but how much brighter will we shine when we become whole?
Thanks for reading but more importantly thanks for being your beautiful self.
Love yourself, Love life, Love each other, and Create Magic!
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