To Forgive … or not
He stood in the shadows watching her face reflected in the mirror, the pain of missing her clawing at his chest. She was still lovely. He never cried, but tonight? Tonight he might never stop.
Oh, he knew she would be older. The laugh lines around her blue eyes were deeper, hair now gone silver, pain etched deep in her forehead — lines his hands were never there to ease. How did he allow this? To her? To them?
All those years ago, he had gone there to help her world. Only the merest chance they would meet. Even smaller chances to know each other. As the days passed, he was there more for her — and himself. She had kindness, intelligence, glittering shyness, and so much strength.
Was it anyone’s fault? They were born under such different stars. In spite of the impossibility, they fell in love.
Their joy was short. They were torn apart, threatened. His sister, the Queen, forced him to marry someone one of his own world. Over the years he never knew if the stories he heard of her marriage were true, or made up to make him think what his family wanted him to think. He wondered if she had forgotten him and gone on with her life. Had she forgiven him for abandoning her? Or did she hide in her heart what he hid in his?
As he stood there, lost in memories, she moved again, and he caught a glint. A chain? He looked closer at her reflection. There , nestled between the tops of her breasts. Oh, gods of all the worlds, still? She had sworn she would wear it always- and there it was — the silver locket.
#
She knew he was there in the shadows and longed to go out there and throw herself at him. But why was he here, after all the years?
They had painted a story of him as a playboy prince, who wrapped his cape around every woman in his path. She tried not to believe them. When years passed and he never returned, what was she to believe? Didn’t matter. The ‘savage from a backward world’ had no way to find out the truth.
Does he think she never learned how to see his people? When a thing is known, it can be learned. She had the time. She told herself she didn’t want an invisible person spying on her. But in truth she just longed to see him.
She was no longer that shy young woman, awed by his attention. So why did the hurt, anger, and all that love, still simmer in her heart? Why is her hand reaching for the locket that contained the stone he gouged out of his circlet that last night? He explained as long as she kept it, he would always be able to find her. Had he known then he would leave?
Should she give it back? Throw it at him. Wrap the chain around his neck and strangle him with it?
Time to find out. She hoped she could hang onto the anger and hide the rest. Still, her eyes were glad to see him.
#
“Ah, you can see me?” He watched in surprise as she stormed across the patio.
“Do you think I’m too backward to learn how? What do you want?” She winced at the hurt and anger in her voice.
“To see you, talk to you.”
“So, talk.” She sat in a cushioned chair and folded her arms.
“Would explanations help?” He dropped his head down a second, then looked into her stormy eyes. “No, I guess not. Is it too late to forgive each other?”
“Forgive me? For what? I didn’t leave you. Been right here,” she whispered, “all these years.”
“You didn’t wait very long to marry another.“ She heard anguish, pain, too, in his voice, but was too angry at his betrayal.
“Your messenger assured me you married a more suitable woman, Told me to ‘get on with my life and forget you’.”
“Dear heavens, they lied to both of us. And I believed it.” He closed his eyes to hide the pain. “Asana, forgive me, if for nothing more than being a fool.”
“Okay, I’m sorry you’re a fool. Is this a fool’s errand?” She waved her hand between them.
“I hope not. I told myself I only wanted to know you were well … happy. Lied to myself.” He managed a strained chuckle and straightened his shoulders. The only way forward now was honesty, before she closed down completely. “Have you ever thought about us, all that happened, all those years ago?” He gazed into her eyes, his bright with emotion, “As I have?”
“Do not start this again. I couldn’t survive waking another morning with you … gone … just gone.” Now tears shone in her eyes. “Go. You were never cruel. So just … go.”
“Forgive me?” He knelt at her feet. “The light went out of my life when you were no longer in it. I can’t live in the dark anymore.”
“I’m not a lantern. I can’t deal with the hurt… not again.” Tears flowed.
“I can promise I will never purposely hurt you. I can promise I will never leave you again.” He reached out to gather her in his arms. “Oh, Asana, I have never stopped loving you. If you believe nothing else, please believe that.”
“Can love erase the past, the pain?” She stood to get beyond his reach, although she longed for his touch. Was this the playboy prince in his glory, or the man she once knew? She reached for the silver locket, as she had done for comfort thousands of times.
His eyes followed her hands. “Why have you kept it?”
She opened it to reveal the glittering stone. “It was the only — .” she stopped, unwilling to give him the words. The crystal in her hand was both testament and accusation.
“Only what”
“When you gouged it out of your headband that last night, you said it would always guide you to me.” The words spilled from her lips. A tear trekked down her cheek. “Tell me, did you already know you wouldn’t return?”
“Galaxies no, they threatened to harm you. I couldn’t endanger you. Marrying the woman the Queen chose was the only way to keep you safe.”
“How do I know the truth of this? Again, how do I know?”
“Give me a chance to convince you. Please, let me try?” This time she let him gather her into his arms.
His embrace was all she wanted for so long; yet the hurt and pain was the fuel that kept her going in an empty marriage. If she accepted his love, accepted his return to her life, could she let go of the rest?
“I can’t wave my hand and erase the past. I’m not sure I can even trust you. Not sure love is enough.”
“Let me earn your trust by loving you, staying with you.” He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head, hoping she needed this embrace as much as he did.
“My heart wants you, my mind is afraid.”
“I will take whatever you can give me, and work to gain the rest. I promise, all I want is to love you.”
“I can’t promise anything except to try.”
