Je Suis… (Part 2)

This post was originally written the day after the Orlando Pulse Nightclub Shooting that took place on June 12, 2016. It is, unfortunately, the second in a series of tragedy-related pieces. (See the first here)

It seems like every time a tragedy like this strikes (which is more and more often these days), my various social feeds explode with a mix of messages, opinions, outbursts, positivity, negativity, hope, and fear. Inevitably and without any request or desire on my part, I have sides of friends, colleagues, and acquaintances that I never knew existed thrust before me. At this point in my life, I’ve either broken ties with or at least “unfollowed” most people who have turned a blind eye & ear to others and feel the need to only spew hatred; however, the occasional ignorant or insensitive comment still catches me off guard and forces me to ask myself, “Why do we do this?”

Why is it that in this increasingly grey world we constantly feel compelled to shout with such certainty about these complicated issues? Heck, maybe the world has always been this grey, but at least older generations had the excuse of limited access to information. These days I can’t help but notice that when I look around, all I see are caricatures of people and ideas around me.

caricature |ˈkerikəCHərˈkerikəˌCHo͝or|
noun:
1- a picture, description, or imitation of a person or thing in which certain striking characteristics are exaggerated in order to create a comic or grotesque effect.
2- a ludicrous or grotesque version of someone or something.

What is it that drives us to take singular details/bits of information and from them draw outcomes with such conviction? After all, we spend countless hours on various social media platforms desperately trying to showcase just how unique we are — from our different experiences (check-ins, videos, photos), to our innermost thoughts (blog posts, comments), to our likes & dislikes, our skills, our jobs, and beyond. We demand that people recognize the uniqueness that is us, but turn right around and place everything around us into buckets.

If you’ve been even remotely paying attention to this presidential campaign, you can see this playing out on a massive scale. Not just from the candidates, but from the supporters as well. Partisan news coverage takes one or two pieces of a candidate’s platform and builds an image around it. The same is true of each party’s public depiction. I love the way that Jeff Daniels’ character “Will McAvoy” from The Newsroom illustrates this point when he responds to a comment questioning his party affiliation-

“I call myself a Republican because I am one. I believe in market solutions, and I believe in common sense realities and the necessity to defend ourselves against a dangerous world and that’s about it. Problem is now I have to be homophobic. I have to count the number of times people go to church. I have to deny facts and think scientific research is a long con. I have to think poor people are getting a sweet ride. And I have to have such a stunning inferiority complex that I fear education and intellect in the 21st century. But most of all, the biggest new requirement, really the only requirement, is that I have to hate Democrats. And I have to hate Chris Christie for not spitting on the President when he got off Air Force One.”

Is every Republican a homophobic Christian that hates science? Absolutely not. But is that the bucket that people are placed in when they claim that party affiliation? More often than not, yes. This mentality stretches far beyond the American political arena, from things as serious as race, gender identity, sexual orientation, & religion, to things as trivial as your diet, your profession, or your neighborhood. Everyday in America, whether by intent or not, we make assumptions and even claims about the world around us based on the mental buckets we place people and ideas into. Even more damaging, we go to the extreme in nearly every bucket. We are told that if you’re not all-in, you’re not committed. You’re not a real country boy if you don’t love guns & hunting. You’re just a poser if you like the Yankees and don’t hate every Red Sox fan. You’re not a true person of faith if you don’t go to church weekly. You’re not a real American if you don’t have the same vision of the white picket fence “American Dream.” It’s all or nothing. You can’t believe in moderation. You must become a caricature just to be able to say that you’re a part of something —to say that you even belong in a bucket.

Because of this grotesque exaggeration of what it means to be something, we feel that we know what people stand for based on two or three buzzwords we’ve seen in bottom-of-the-screen-scrollbars (despite the horror we would feel if people did the same to us). If someone made a blanket statement about our religion or our party affiliation that we felt was incorrect or unfair, you can be sure we’d let them know about it; yet, we gladly hop on the bandwagon when roles are reversed.

It’s this conflict that troubles me. At an intellectual level, we understand that people are complex beings. We can accept that. However, when it comes to explaining behaviors, outcomes, motives, or other such items, we instinctively reach for our buckets. Why is that? My sense is that we do this in an effort to simplify and shrink an overwhelmingly complex world. To recognize the true level complexity in the world is to acknowledge just how little we can directly control in the world around us.

It’s hard to solve an equation with ever-changing variables, so what do we do? We remove the variables and put in simpler terms that we can understand. These buckets that we place people, ideologies, and concepts into serve as shortcuts to explaining just why things are or aren’t shaking out a certain way.

One of the many unfortunate side-effects of this habit is that we constantly over-simplify solutions. We convince ourselves that since the equation is now so simple, if we just change this one thing then everything would be okay. If only we had better gun control in this country, there would be less mass shootings. If only there was less religious extremism in this country then there would be less conflict (and yes, I said religious, not Islamic. Christian extremism has been taking lives in America much longer than “radical Islam” has even been a thing here. Not stating this to start a debate about what’s worse, I’m just illustrating there’s plenty of blame to go around and our buckets typically shade how we perceive it). If only we had better mental health support in this country… If only we had a wall…If only the schools…If only the parents…the blame game goes on and on, and no one wins because everyone is right and no one is right.

I say that everyone is right and no one is right, because everyone probably has a valid piece of the solution. The problem is that our abbreviated, bucketized equation makes it seem like changing one element will have a much bigger impact on the equation than it really will — oh, and the element that we change better not be the thing that we don’t agree with. Our feathers get ruffled when people bring up topics that are important to us — things like gun control, religion, or discrimination. We start thinking about the slippery slope that could come just from one small step (remember, living in a world of extremes) and it terrifies us. “Sure, it starts with stricter gun laws, but next thing you know we’re living in the book 1984. Just you wait and see!” This leads to heated debates about how ultimately the other bucket is what’s really at fault and our bucket had nothing to do with this.

When in reality, it’s probably a little bit of all the items on the menu. If we had more responsible gun legislation, better education about different cultures, religions, & sex in school, more accessible mental health programs, and a national culture that valued relationships over success, yes, I agree, this shooting has a much lower likelihood of happening. But to pick one or two things out of that list and say that the others are not valid is simply irresponsible and borders on willfully ignorant. In fact, there are probably way more things that should be added to that list.

One thing that I stress to any of the people that I work with is that we need to see the world around us within context. Without context, individual data points can lead you to do some pretty crazy things. We must come to life every day equipped with a lens of healthy skepticism towards assumptions, a willingness to change, a bias toward hope, and a desire to get better. If we come to each situation with these components, you’ll see the buckets that we’ve constructed over time begin to crumble. The world does not become less complex, however bit by bit the complexity becomes more acceptable and less scary. And hopefully, we can see each of these tragedies as a horrible event that can become a catalyst for positive change in the lives of people around the world — and not as a battleground for buckets.

I hope that reason becomes more main-stream. I can’t wait for the rise of common sense. I believe that we can start laying the foundation for that future now, but we have to be willing to listen more than we want to be heard. My wish for each of us in the coming days is that we are able to have some tough conversations and self-reflections that really bring to light some solutions. The world has had enough accusations for now. It’s time to ask yourself what you’re willing to give up & what you can contribute to make America — or even the world — a better place for everyone.

Update: I just saw that Trevor Noah discussed this very thing in a much lighter, more concise way than I ever could- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RolEI5n4Jxs&feature=share