Unsettled at the deepest level

Those of you who know me know that faith has been and continues to be a big part of my life. But the essence of that faith has changed over the years.

2004 was the start of what in many ways has been a thirteen year journey.

A journey that is still ongoing. In short, I reached a point in my life where the spiritual practices I’d grown up with were no longer working for me. They weren’t life-giving anymore.

This, I can tell you, is hugely disorientating. When something you’ve built your life around seems to fall apart, it is unsettling at the deepest level.

It wasn’t that my faith in a loving God, as seen most clearly in the person of Jesus, was disturbed. It was that the expression of faith I’d grown up with was no longer helping me connect to that God.

In reality, I’ve spent eleven or twelve of the last thirteen years making that discovery. It’s only with hindsight that I’m now able to see that with some clarity.

Having made that discovery, the last year or so has been the start of a journey into new spiritual practices. I’ve been discovering these in different parts of the church world — some modern, many ancient.

And I feel like a novice again. It’s like I’m starting over.

But my faith continues to be a central and centering part of my life. I wouldn’t choose feeling so disorientated, but my faith now seems on a healthier, more stable footing.

I have much to still learn, but I hope sharing my own experiences more in the coming weeks and months may help others.