How Meditation Saved My Life
Breaking through the fog of Dysthymia with Meditation
Life With Dysthymia
I wish someone had told me how medicinal tears are for the body and the soul. I caused myself so much pain by refusing to feel emotion. I buried myself under blankets of sadness, and piled on distraction, until I wasn’t sure what I was feeling anymore. My muscles became tense, and I woke with pain in my shoulders, back, neck and thighs. I took anti-inflammatories for the pain, not realizing that my behavior, thoughts, and stress were the culprit, not this physical life.
I woke up each day and drank as much caffeine as I could handle to kickstart my day. I chain-smoked, switched to an e-cigarette, and enjoyed the temporary high of a daily stimulant pill that was necessary for me to get any sort of work done.
Music covered any silence… or a background television… a radio or a cellphone screen. I spent absolutely no time alone with myself…because I knew what would happen. When I allowed space to creep in around me, there nothing was to push away my thoughts, and the unraveling began. Years of self-destructive behaviors piled sky-high, just waiting for a light breeze or a half-empty moment to topple over.
